I struggle. I struggle with this ugly thing called comparison. I struggle with self-doubt. Rarely, do I feel “good enough”. It has been a constant battle my whole life. Then, I had children. And it got worse.
The ugly voice of self-doubt tells me that I am failing my children when I yell. My self-doubt loves social media. It is the perfect place to compare. It is where I can look at other moms and see what they are doing. All I see is the smiles. All I see are happy families. I see elaborate birthday parties, surprise vacations, arts and crafts, and children laughing. My self-doubt tells me that I am alone.
I annoy my friends. I stay at home. I feel as though I should be doing something “bigger”. I feel as though I do not contribute the way I should. When I was working, I was convinced I was not good at my job. The dinner I cooked could be better. My daughter would be doing better in school if I did more with her at home. I read an article that may go against how I parent or my choices. I am wrong. The thoughts never end.
The thoughts only bring me down. It is easy for me to give advice and encouragement to other mothers. It’s hard for me to take, myself.
If this is something you struggle with too, I have a few ideas that I find helpful.
Get rid of the word “should”.
After I started seeing a counselor, he gave me this advice that gave me the perfect start. I went rambling about what I should and how I should do things. At one point, he stopped me. He pointed out a destructive habit that I was blind to. It’s amazing how one word can be so damaging.
Do not compare your life to what you see on social media.
Who wants to post about their bad moments? It’s easy to hide behind a screen and share what we want others to see. We aren’t seeing behind the scenes. Pictures and statuses do not reflect the true picture of what is really going on. Behind smiles can lie a world of hurt. When we look at the happy date night picture, we may not see a crumbling marriage.
Recognize your gifts and talents.
I posted a picture of books I got my children on Valentine’s day. This was a rare occasion for me and I felt the need to show the world my Mary Poppins side. My picture was met with comments of discouraged mothers. They felt like failures for doing nothing for Valentines Day.
Some moms are great at making a big deal out of holidays. It is their thing. Some moms are crafty. Some moms throw elaborate parties. Those are their gifts. Their gifts are not yours. Own your gifts and talents. These are a part of what make you the wonderful mother you are.
Don’t minimize your feelings.
Do you look at other parents and think they have more on their plate so you have no reason to struggle? Having more children does not make me a super mom. Other moms are quick to tell me that they struggle with having one or two. We all have unique situations which do make life tough. Motherhood is difficult. You have every reason to feel overwhelmed.
Some days are better than others for me. It takes some practice to change a mindset that has been embedded for many years. If I am capable of encouraging others, I am capable of encouraging myself. And so are you.
