Adoption Perspectives: Thoughts of an Adopted Child {Series}

We all know that motherhood is not one size fits all. This includes the process of raising your child(ren), but it also includes how you came about those children in the first place. Adoption is one of many paths someone can take to motherhood. And it is a wonderful path. In this series, we are exploring a variety of perspectives and experiences around the topic of adoption. We welcome open discussion and respectful communication from all of our readers on this topic in the comments below. If you have a perspective you would like to share as a guest post on the blog regarding this topic, we would love to read it. You can send guest post submissions to [email protected]

Let me preface this article with a short statement. This blog post below is meant to reflect a brief synopsis of my views and opinions. While it may be offensive or controversial to some, please know that is not my intention. Blogs are great ways to learn about others people perspectives and as a child of adoption… this is mine.

Adoption is such an amazing thing. So, why in 2015 does it still seem so taboo? Why is it often a sensitive topic for both birth mommies and adoptive mommies? At times in my life, when I encounter people who may not be emotionally ready to be moms, and I wish I could just approach them and say,

Have you considered adoption?

That would be offensive and abrasive to some, but for others maybe that is just the encouragement they need. I have not yet been able to tactfully figure out the best way to approach possible birth mommies. Birth mommies are not bad people. They are wonderful people who put their child’s best interest before their own. Giving your child up for adoption is a wonderful gift that adoptive parents will be forever grateful for. So, why in this day in age, does it seem like adoption is becoming a thing of the past? In the past decade adoption has decreased about 5% (according to creatingafamily.org).

At this point the foster care system is bursting at the seams, and babies born with neonatal abstinence syndrome is on the rise. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know the system is very difficult to navigate and adoption is not a wham bam thank you ma’m process. But, in reality what is ? This is where it gets sticky from my point of view.

Why has adoption decreased? In my opinion, it is because fertility treatment has increased. I totally get giving your body every opportunity to carry a child and I have never personally dealt with infertility, so perhaps my view points would change if that were the case. However, my view points from the “child’s” point of view will not change. I am old enough now to see how terrible my life could have been, had not been adopted. However, I can say that with 100% certainty, if IVF had been around in 1980, then I would have never been adopted and my life would have been drastically different. Fertility treatments were just being explored in the 1980’s. My parents met with doctors and tried some of the first IUI type treatments, without success.

It is very hard for me to listen to conversations involving people who are attempting their 3rd round of unsuccessful IVF, dairy diets, clomid cycles, and sex schedules. It is very hard to not blurt out my opinion. As a mother, I know the feeling of carrying my children inside of me. However, I do not love my mom any less because she didn’t carry me inside of her. The scientific studies about nurture versus nature are beyond fascinating. And even more fascinating if you know me in person… I act exactly like my dad.

My husband and I have our own biological children, and are exploring fostering children. I would like people to know that I love my birth mommy. She gave me life and she gave me up. For that, I will always be grateful. I had the best childhood and have an amazing life. In an ideal world more birth mommies and adoptive mommies would choose adoption as a positive option, not a last resort.

I would like to know how to have these conversations with people without offending them.

Cincinnati Moms Blog offers a special thank you to today’s guest blogger, Katelyn Grube.

Katelyn’s Bio: Katelyn is the mom to two amazing kids and wife to Paul.  Four furry friends (2 dogs, 2 cats) complete their family.  She is also a pediatric nurse who loves to drink coffee! Katelyn was also featured in CMB’s Superhero Mom series, which you can read HERE if you would like to learn more about her.