When you’re pregnant, people say some crazy things. If you’re reading this blog, I probably don’t have to tell you that.
From the stranger who told me I should induce labor by “going home and making whoopee,” to the nice old lady who informed a 9-month-pregnant me that she almost bled to death during delivery…I’ve heard some humdingers.
The most annoying phrase I can think of, though, seems innocent enough. On the surface, it sounds like a friendly warning or a humorous jab. But I will argue that one of the most annoying things that women say to those who are expecting is, “Just you wait.” It was said to me many times.
Big deal, right? After all, the moms who say this have probably seen it all. The puke. The diapers. The tantrums. The lack of sleep. These are all things we know will happen, though it’s different when you’re actually in the trenches. So why do I despise this phrase most of all?
“Just you wait.” Three little words. The tone with which it is delivered is usually one of amusement at best or haughtiness at worst. Often it’s followed by horror stories. Sometimes it’s not followed by anything at all, leaving the expectant mother puzzled by the intent.
But why? Do some moms feel that the wisdom they’ve gained is not worth sharing? That their joy is not more worthy of spreading than their negative experiences? That it would be an unfair advantage to a new mother who hasn’t “earned” the knowledge? We talk often of supporting other moms. I say that starts long before her baby comes home–and that’s why I avoid the phrase.
There are plenty of posts telling you not to say this or that. And I’m sure this can be taken as one. But this isn’t about mollycoddling other mothers and putting on rose-colored glasses. It is about being purposeful and caring in our speech.
If I asked the mothers I know how they feel about their children, all of them would say great things. Why is that not what we’re tempted to share when a pregnant mom waxes poetic about her pending arrival? Do we need to pause and remind ourselves how awesome and life-changing that time was for us?
The long nights and forever changed bodies will happen soon enough. Tucked inside of the chaos, fear and self-doubt we all face, is the greatest joy we’ve ever known. And that’s the spirit with which I choose to impart my wisdom of experience.
