I love sex. I honestly do. And when there is a deeper, more committed connection, such as with your partner, the sex is even better. But what happens when you and your partner don’t have sex? For me, it’s not that the physical act has lessened over time. It’s just never really been something we did (or do) often. I think it’s a combination of time, kids, age, and body image. I’m not making excuses. I’m just to the point of being realistic.
There’s this thing called love languages, and my husband and I have love languages on the opposite sides of the spectrum. He needs and values words of affirmation. I need and thrive on physical touch and quality time. My husband is not an emotionally charged person, or physically needy. I’m a pre-menopausal woman with emotions bouncing all around with a strong desire for physical touch.
How in the world did we end up together? I wonder that myself at times when I think of our vast differences. But for some reason, the complete opposite sides of who we are, build each other up to the magnificent team that we are! But how can we work around the “no sex” deal? How can our marriage be strong, with an undeniable emotional tie to each other? After all this time, how can we still have such feelings for each other?
I strongly believe that intimacy isn’t all about the sexual aspect. Intimacy comes from deep conversation with each other. A mutual understanding of each other’s convictions and desires in life. A constant awareness of your partner’s needs. When those things are present in your marriage or relationship, then I believe that the sex is secondary. And for me, that’s not a bad thing necessarily.
With the constant “on-the-go” lifestyle we currently have, sometimes sex isn’t a priority. It doesn’t mean I don’t like sex anymore, or that I don’t want to have sex. Not at all! I just know that in this stage of life, it’s not a priority. Our work schedules are long, the kids have a constant schedule that keeps us moving, we aren’t as young as we used to be. I’m still a very sexual person; that hasn’t changed.
I love my husband, and I can’t imagine being married to anyone else. We absolutely enjoy the physical aspect of our marriage when it does happen. I don’t think the fact that we rarely have sex takes away from our ability to be partners. My heart still races when I see him. I still get a rush when he touches my arm a certain way or kisses my neck. He still knows how to make me feel good. Despite having kids, gaining/losing weight, our aged bodies over time, we still have our moments of physical intimacy.
If you are the type of person that needs constant physical intimacy, or sex is more of a priority for you, great! You do you! We all find ways to create our own intimacy. I’ve never felt a connection as strong as I have with my husband. Kids, schedules, work, life will always get in your way. Find what works for you and build on that to live your best life together. Sex or no sex, you work to make your relationships thrive. And a healthy, thriving relationship is what matters the most.