A week ago today, your oldest brother bit into a cupcake for your gender reveal party and I saw blue. The cake was confetti and so my first impulse was that he bit into a large sprinkle. I told him to take another bite to be sure. Nope, it was still blue.
At your party I was all smiles, but as each guest left, my fear grew.
Let me take a step back and explain, if you do not already know, your mom is a planner. I plan and visualize my future almost to a fault. You know that I came from a family with lots of women and only have a sister, so in my head, I always pictured that I would have at least a couple of GIRLS. I realize, biologically, women do not determine the gender of a baby. See, sometimes you will find that my expectations do not always make a lot of sense.
Your dad and I had a heart to heart talk when we were 20 (now 31 and 32) and have known since then that we would someday have three children. I always thought that with three children, at least one would be a boy, and one a girl. I should have looked around a little more and noticed that your dad has quite a bit of testosterone in his family.
Why did the realization that I am going to have a third boy scare me (to be honest, I am still a bit scared now)? In brief, I worried that I might fall short as a mom of three boys. I have three goals for you and your brothers: 1) I want to help you to grow to be a strong, upstanding, respectful, young man 2) I want you to get a decent education 3) I want you to have a damn good time while doing the items above (I must admit, Dr. Phil has set similar goals for his sons which inspired me).
I feel like it takes a tough parent, with an unrelenting spirit, to raise a good man. Am I tough enough? Then the questions start pouring from my mind… My ideal non-school day as a kid would have been to talk on the phone, play with my Barbies, go swimming, or go to the mall. Will I be a fun enough mom for three boys? Am I a good enough person to know how to raise three upstanding men? With many broken relationships in my own family of origin, how will I know how to maintain a good relationship with you long-term? Will your future girlfriend care if your mom wants to go shopping and get pedicures with her the moment that you two start dating?
As you can see, I have a lot of fears. I let these thoughts take over my mind for about three days. Then, I went to work and many of my male colleagues joked with me about having three boys. I realized I am having three BOYS! I picked out a wonderful husband (you and your brothers’ dad), who will serve as a great role model for the three of you. I know what makes a good man because I have always made sure to surround myself with good men and have not put up with any less. I AM tough. I have had many trials and disappointments in my life and I did not give up until they because successes – all with a smile on my face (usually). I will continue to work towards being a fun “boy mom.” Your oldest brother Jay will let me know otherwise.
Am I a good enough person to raise three strong boys? Well, I am not perfect. I have made a lot of mistakes and I try to be up front with them. I will work every day to be the best damn mom that I can be for you and your brothers. I promise, WHEN I make a mistake that I am humble enough to let you know and say that I am sorry. Lastly, about that long term relationship thing, well I vow here and now 1) to be honest with you whenever possible 2) to always put you and your brothers needs in the forefront of my mind 3) and if you go through a stage as a young adult man in which you think that you need a break from your mom, I promise to pound on your door every day. We are family and, “Family means that no one gets left behind.” (Lilo & Stitch) Also, Matthew, just make sure to mention to your future girlfriends and wife that your mom means well, she is just excited to get to know them.
Now that I have digested the blue cupcake and the fact that I will be a mom to three boys, I find myself excited. Watching your currently four and one year old brothers play, making any object into a sword, laughing at Jay pretending to fall over, yelling and waving their arms in unison, and Jay pushing Blake across the wooden floors on his ride along toy as Blake squeals with delight- I cannot wait till you join us Matty.
With lots of love,