It was probably about one year ago that we started to see a movement to support the Dad Bod. Let’s reference the Urban Dictionary for a moment.
A guy who has kids and was once in shape and still has guns that can crush beer cans but also with a belly that says I drank those beers and I can eat 6 slices of pizza in one seating.
Dad, you have got it together. Who cares if you were once in shape, those guns can crush beer cans. That means they still look stellar. Oh, and that belly! You drink that beer, Glenn Coco. Eat those amazingly, delicious six slices of LaRosa’s. I could still watch you run around the backyard, shirtless, with the kids in tow. I love the Dad Bod. One time I even gave my husband a card that read “You are hotter than Brad Pitt (in Troy), George Clooney, and Tom Cruise put together.” It may not be physically accurate, but it’s true.
Now, here I am, in defense of the Mom Bod. Let’s head back to the Urban Dictionary.
A woman who looks like they just had a kid. They have the attributes of saggy boobs, flat butt, hair in a bun at all times and a resting [grumpy] face. Lastly they have at least one kid.
Am I the only one who WTF’d out loud here? We’ve been reduced to saggy, flat and [grumpy]. We’re not super cool crushing beer and eating pizza. We don’t still have anything. We just sort of lose it all. Not cool, Urban Dictionary, not cool.
My Mom Bod can dead lift two 30 pound toddlers while one is kicking and screaming and the other is lovingly petting my face. This Mom Bod runs are four hours of sleep, teaches 5:30 a.m. yoga classes, takes the kids to park in the summer heat, teaches another yoga class, goes to the gym, makes dinner and puts the kids to bed again. Then, Mom Bod is at it again crushing beer and pizza without ever looking back.
I have at least one kid. My boobs aren’t saggy, and even if they were, this Mom Bod still gets fondled by a Dad Bod that can’t seem to keep his hands to himself. Flat butt? Isn’t that more of a body type thing? I’ve seen hotties in their early twenties with less behind than me. I still rock a bikini. Stretch marks and all. My hair is in a bun because. it’s. easy. And hot. Don’t forget it’s hot outside. [Grumpy] face? Only because you’re a moron and, now that I’m a mom, I don’t really care if I offend you by making it completely obvious that I think this about you.
By the way, I think my Mom Bod is pretty legit. I’ve carried three babies. Birthed two. Gained 30 pounds, lost it, gained 25 pounds and lost it all within three years. This Mom Bod stands up a little bit taller, speaks more confidently, moves with grace and purpose. A Mom Bod is a serious, freaking gift. I’m cool with my Mom Bod.