Waving the White Flag: My Youngest’s Insistence on Co-Sleeping

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My youngest daughter has never slept well at night.  She is a restless sleeper, who wakes often throughout the night.  This doesn’t always translate to her fully waking up, but frequently it does.  It was (and still is) very important to me to keep newborns and infants in their own sleeping space, but I mention that now not to get into the great co-sleeping debate, but more because this story does not begin for us until well after Meredith’s first birthday.

co-sleepingAt that point, my late night work schedule (and not getting a full night of uninterrupted sleep for over a year) pushed me over the edge and I began stumbling to get her when she woke up at night and pulling her into bed with me so we could both get at least a little quality sleep.  I did this in desperation, without really thinking about it.  I just knew we needed more sleep than we were getting.  I am a light sleeper and I like my space when I sleep, so having her constantly needing to touch me and crying out still did not result in a perfect night of sleep for me.  She would sometimes wake and take her hand and slap my cheeks and face a few times to make sure I was still there.  In case, you were wondering,that is not a great way to wake up.

When we moved into our current house, we ditched the crib for a big girl bed and she loved that for a while.  She slept through the night for the first time in her life and it was amazing!  I could read before bed again.  I could get comfy and not feel crowded.  It was nice having my nights to myself again.  However, that was short lived and over the past year, I have begun to find myself sharing my night time space again.  It started with an occasional visit during the night, sometimes she stayed and sometimes she didn’t.  It progressed to her wanting to fall asleep in my bed and I would later carry her back into her room when I went to sleep myself a few hours later.  Eventually, even that wasn’t good enough and within an hour of being put back in her bed, I would feel her return.

I fought her for a while.  Sometimes she would cry and beg to sleep in my room while I tried to encourage her to be a “big girl”.  Sometimes she would go to bed easily – or so I would think – until later I would go up to bed to find that she took the liberty of tucking herself into my bed.  Eventually, I caved.  I found myself wondering why I was exerting so much energy on this particular battle.  She is 3… I have time to wean her from needing to be with me at night.

I do think its important to note that Meredith did not start magically sleeping better once I gave in to her insistence that we share our sleeping space.  She still gets up at night.  She still tosses, turns, kicks me in the face and cries out.  But, it takes less time to settle her with a simple reminder that I am there.  A hand on her belly usually calms her before I fully wake myself.  And on the nights that someone else puts her to bed in her own room and she stays there, I find myself reaching out for her warmth and feeling a little sad when I remember she isn’t there.

They are little for such a short amount of time… so I guess for now, I am going to choose to cherish this time when she needs her mama… even if it means my bed is a tad more crowded.

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Sarah
I am Mom to two beautiful, sassy little girls; Nora & Meredith. It was only after becoming a mother that I really started to appreciate how lucky we are to live in this Southwest Ohio, surrounded by amazing green space, culture, history, sports, and the arts. I love using all aspects of Cincinnati (Dayton and NKY too if I am being honest) as a playground for my kids and myself. I often drag my friends and family from the East side to the West side in search of another new and exciting adventure.

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