The Mothers of Downton Abbey

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Mothers of Downton
Photo Credit: PBS

It has been several weeks now since we bid farewell to what I will refer to one of the best televisions series ever, Downton Abbey. Writing for a blog I obviously wanted to capture this treasure and all my emotions that went along with it immediately. I write for a moms blog though… you know, parenting advice, mom woes and joys, places to go with your kids, how to do all things mom… so what is the angle on how to connect my beloved “Downton Abbey” and “motherhood?”  Simple. Downton Abbey’s undercurrent is essentially a journey of motherhood through the lens of several different woman. Connecting each of us to the universal language of what it is to be a mom, who is a mom, the longing for it, the struggle with it, the battles within it, the joys in it, the loss of it, and the becoming of it. Downton Abbey is set in a time and world seemingly completely different than you or I will ever live in, but contains within it what is at the core of so many women’s being; motherhood.

So who are the mothers of Downton? And what makes them not so much different than ourselves or other mom’s in our circle?

The Dowager Countess: The family matriarch. Steadfast, resilient, strong. “Granny,” as the Crawley girls call her, is undoubtedly at first glance everything that would hold true to the staunch and refined old English woman stereotype. However, as we learn more about her through the seasons, we see a woman who is relentlessly invested in her family. She has a history and story that is filled with steadfastness, making her equally filled with judgement as she is grace. In the end we see her as a pillar of wisdom, for both her children and her grandchildren.

Lady Granthem, Cora, and mother to the three Crawley girls: There were many times early on when watching the show I would roll my eyes at “Lady Granthem.” She seemed so out of touch or superficial but just as that perception set in, she began to showcase to the audience the depth of herself. She has a great love for her girls, an endless desire to see them happy. She takes pride in her role as a wife and as the lady of the house, always appearing posed, prepared, and collected in any situation. (Even when needing to drag a naked dead man through her own home to cover for her daughter’s indiscretions.) She also shares moments with us of disappointment and heartache as she becomes pregnant in her later years, only to miscarry. All too often she found herself as the in between her daughter’s quarrels, despondencies and trials; playing the role that many of us mothers do as the peacemaker and voice of reconciliation. And then in the end, we saw her almost bloom into a new version of herself; realizing new strengths, gifts, and characteristics as her children fully grew into adulthood.

Lady Mary Crawley: I am not so sure Lady Mary would ever win mother of the year. And though, I personally enjoyed her character as she barreled through many personas of herself; motherhood never really seemed to be at the forefront of her mind. Except that is, that she fulfilled her duty of having a son and thus securing the estate. In passing scenes with George, she does appear loving and caring, though these moments were just few and far between in the show. As a young widowed mother, she perhaps needed to express her sorrow in her strengths – independence, strong-willed, blunt, and confident. She was flirtatious and coy, pressing many of the norms of the times yet somehow being much more traditional than either of her sisters underneath it all. She never wanted to loose who she was and what she wanted out of life, that is for certain.

Lady Sybil Crawley: The youngest of the Crawley girls, and the first to give birth, was actually the one who was a mother the shortest. She is full of life, beating to her own drum. She is the woman who praises liberty to all woman but has a gentle soul. We watch as in giving she loses her own life. A sacrifice so many woman have made as they gave life to the next generation. However, somehow in her death, her spirit and her spirit of motherhood continues to live on through her widowed husband Tom and her daughter Sybbie.

Lady Edith Crawley: The middle of the Crawley daughters and living up to the awkward middle child motif, she takes center stage with her entry into motherhood. Edith, becoming pregnant out of wedlock, was faced with several burdensome and unthinkable decisions early in her pregnancy, in efforts to not arouse scandal within the family. Finally resorting to taking on the mask of “hidden shame.” This theme stays with her for many years as her true identity as a mother is covered. Still her heart as a mother grows stronger and fiercer then any of the other characters. She is determined to raise and be an active presence in her daughter’s life. The irony of it all is that through her shame of pregnancy and early motherhood, she finds confidence and boldness that she never before knew. So much so that she risks exposing the truth which could cause her to lose her own happiness (yet again).

Anna Bates: By far one of the more enduring characters of Downton. Her genuineness and character are consistent throughout. Though discrete, Anna openly shows us through her interactions with her husband her desire to me a mother and her sorrow when this seems to be an impossible option for her. We learn that she had endured several miscarriages in the attempts to carry a child and it is not until she shares this with Lady Mary, that there may be hope for her. We see through her pregnancy wanting to be hopeful but clouded with fearfulness of disappointment, knowing all too well the potential realities. What an amazing moment to watch as she finally gets to take the deep breathes of joy when her baby is born.

And then of course there is Isobel Crawley: Mother of Matthew Crawley and later grandmother to George Crawley. That through her only son, who in one day, learned that he was through a distant family member going to be elevated significantly in their social ranking. Still, Isobel always remained constant. She was compassionate yet strong. Adaptable yet consistent. Bold yet gentle. She stood by her son through many different life events, changing statuses, the war, a serious medical condition, courtships, and even through his death. She herself had been a widowed mother for many years nearly giving up on finding love for herself again; doing what so many of us mom’s do finding our happiness through the happiness of our children.

The story of motherhood is definitely a string through all of the Downton story. Perhaps that is why so many moms, just like you and I, were drawn to it. We lived vicarious enchanted fantasies of a life that is so distant from our own however in the very same breathe so much like our own. Motherhood is like that, we are all so unique, with a wide array of opinions and experiences but in so many ways we are very much the same. So after 6 amazing seasons of Downton Abbey, I say to all the Downton mothers, “Cheers ladies! I enjoyed being invited into the story.”

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