As mothers, we all suffer from some type “mommy guilt.” I know I certainly have. Usually about things like spending enough quality time with my daughter, feeding her packaged baby food instead of preparing it myself, or even letting Sesame Street babysit her while folding the laundry.
Surprisingly, my mommy guilt began before I was even pregnant with my daughter. A few months after getting married, my husband and I rescued the most adorable black mutt puppy, and Sampras immediately became our first-born child. For nearly six years, Sampras was the king of our household and the center of our universe. Every day we drove Sampras to the dog park or the intramural fields where he spent hours retrieving the tennis ball, swimming in the lake, chasing squirrels and ducks (his personal favorite), and wrestling with his dog friends. He slept in bed with us every night. We even nearly went broke after paying for the five surgeries/endoscopies he required to retrieve foreign objects lodged in his stomach and intestines.
When I became pregnant with my first daughter, I knew Sampras’ status would be demoted. No longer would the world revolve around him nor would he enjoy the perks of being our only child. So concerned about Sampras’ well-being, my husband and I took a special Dogs & Babies class at our local hospital to learn how to help him adjust to his new sister. Sampras even joined us on our babymoon to a special dog-friendly bed & breakfast in order to spend time together – just the three of us.
The day I left for the hospital to deliver my daughter, I burst into tears saying goodbye to Sampras – not because I was upset that I wouldn’t see him for a few days; rather, I was mourning the loss of Sampras’ only-child status. In between sobs, I promised him that I would do my best to make sure he still received the love and attention he so deserved.
Three years later and pregnant with my second child, many of those same emotions I experienced with Sampras have resurfaced with my daughter Natalie. Although Natalie claims she’s excited to be a BIG SISTER, I still experience that mommy guilt knowing that our special Mommy-Natalie time will not be the same once the baby arrives. Will I still get to spend 30 minutes reading bedtime stories and rocking her nightly? Will I be able to push her on the park swing until her heart’s desire when I also have an infant? Will I be able to create Play-Doh cupcakes with her while I’m nursing? I know the answer is no, and it is destroying me that Natalie won’t get either my husband’s or my undivided attention anymore – just like Sampras.
But here’s the thing I keep telling myself. It’s okay that our household dynamic and family structure will change because it’s for the better. While Sampras might not receive the same amount of attention he once did, he still gets plenty of love from all of us. Indeed he and Natalie have grown to be best friends. She loves chasing him around the house, booping his nose, throwing him the tennis ball, and bringing him his bones. For his part, Sampras is there to lick Natalie’s face when she cries, greet her with a wagging tail when she returns home from school, and happily accept the many scraps of food she feeds him. In fact, Natalie loves her big brother so much that she has decided to name her new baby sister Dog Dog.
I know Natalie will adjust and learn to love her baby sister just like Sampras learned to adjust to Natalie. Certainly the benefits of a sibling outweigh the costs of losing some one-on-one Mommy-time. Although I’m still in the process of mourning the loss of my special time with Natalie, I am comforted by the fact that after a week or so of Natalie’s birth, we couldn’t imagine life without her. I know soon enough that my husband, Natalie, Sampras, and I also won’t be able imagine life without Baby Dog Dog either.
This was a great article that every mother can relate to. It is so exciting to expand your family and at the same time worry about all the things that Betsy mentioned in her blog. I can’t imagine my life without my two wonderful children and my wonderful husband. So glad we made the choice to have a second child.