The 5 Stages of Potty Training

You’ve heard of the 5 stages of grief, I’m sure. 

Well… let me introduce you to a little thing called the 5 stages of potty-training. 

This is for the adult/caretaker leading the potty-training expedition (I am sure the kid being potty-trained goes through his/her own 5 stages, too, but let’s give the adults some love for now).  Potty-training is a magical, stressful and frustrating time. We just went through this with my son, and I can tell you from personal experience that these stages are REAL, people… REAL!  Once you understand what to expect you can more easily cope.  Or maybe you can’t, but at least you can take comfort in the fact that you are not alone in how you are experiencing this great milestone.

Stage 1: Naive Optimism
This is at the outset of potty-training, and it normally starts before any real work actually begins. You’re reading books and blogs and talking to friends. You are buying candy and potty books and potty seats. You think your kid is special. He/she will definitely get it! He/she can do anything! Together you are an unstoppable pair. Potty-training in less than 3 days?  WUSSES!  You can do it in 1!

Stage 2: Premature Excitement
The glow of naive optimism is still washing over you at this point, and you’re in the first days/hours of potty-training. Your kid may have had an accident or two, but you’re not phased. He/she is still learning and will soon get it! And then, finally, the first pee happens on the potty. You are elated. You are calling everyone you know. Your child has it figured out! Those previous accidents are NOTHING- they are in the past. And now you guys are going strong. So, maybe there have been a few more accidents. But you had at least ONE success, and that is something, considering your kid is new to this. Anyone you know had better look out if your kid has more than one success this first day/set of days (and if there is a poop success, oh mercy!) because their phones will be BLOWING UP.

Stage 3: Overwhelming Despair
You’ve finally gotten to the point where you know your kid can use the potty. He/she has done it with some degree of success and you feel as if he/she should REALLY be catching on better by now. Perhaps you’ve hit a “potty-wall” where your kid point-blank refuses to even look at a potty. Or worse, looks at a potty and then deliberately pees in his/her pants or on the floor. You start to think maybe you were a bit overexcited earlier. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe your kid isn’t ready. You begin to spiral down into a deep chasm of darkness. Who knows if you’ll ever come out.

Stage 4: Extreme Mental Exhaustion
While wallowing in despair, you are still attempting this potty-training thing and you just feel spent. You aren’t sure you have the patience or understanding or whatever to last another minute much less another day. You ask your kid once or twice if he/she needs to go back to diapers. If this is too hard and he/she isn’t ready (as if he/she understands this logic and line of questioning). You honestly think YOU might prefer for your kid to go back to diapers because this is just SO HARD. And who needs underwear anyway?

Stage 5: Denial, Relief, and Success (and amnesia)
These come quickly, so they are lumped together in the final stage.  After feeling like your kid will NEVER EVER use the bathroom and will be stuck in diapers until the end of time, it suddenly clicks and your kid is using the toilet. Seriously, don’t blink. It happens quickly. One minute you are crying about how you will be buying diapers forever, and the next, you are witnessing an underwear revolution. You can’t believe it. This denial is quickly followed by relief. You made it! Yeah, yeah, technically it’s your kid who actually figured it out, but YOU survived. This relief quickly gives way to the all-encompassing feeling of success and invincibility.  This wasn’t so hard (that’s the amnesia kicking in)!  Heck, you could potty-train in your sleep now!  What felt like a nearly impossible feat has been conquered. And you are the potty-whisperer…the master of the porcelain throne. You feel like a million bucks, and your diaper days are finally gone.

I’m happy to say that we are blissfully in stage 5 with my son.  If you’ve already potty-trained, what do you think?  Do you agree with my stages?  If you’re about to start- I bet you’re hovering right around Stage 1 right now.  And if you are scared out of your mind and afraid to even think about potty-training… give it time- there’s always another day.  Or just rip off the band-aid take solace in the fact that there really is no escaping the process…but the sooner you get started, the sooner you can join me in Stage 5.