It always starts out okay. I can stay calm for the first, second, third and even sometimes fourth time I ask my children to do something. But, if I have to ask again – it’s no longer calm and patient. It’s a straight out yell. It never makes me feel good, it leaves my kid’s with the saddest puppy dog faces and it’s definitely not the best course of parenting action. But, here’s the thing. It gets results.
Calmness is not something they listen to. Nice requests, get me silliness and procrastination. It’s not until we are late getting out the door and I yell that they realize I mean business and do what I need them to do.
I am not sure if they just think I am kidding… “She doesn’t REALLY want us to put on our shoes and coats so we can get to the bus stop.”
Or are they waiting for me to yell… “We, have at least 2 more asks before she gets mad at us, let’s keep playing!”
It’s not my finest attribute, that is for sure. I don’t enjoy yelling. I despise that feeling that wells up inside me as I can feel the anger piling on top of itself.
It’s something I am acutely aware of and something I am continually working on. I don’t think I will ever be someone who never yells. But, I don’t want it to define who I am. I don’t want it to be what my children remember about me. I try very hard to do an assessment afterward and apologize when and where it’s warranted, but also explain why that was where I ended up.
I don’t think at 6 and 8, my kids quite understand those big emotions fully. They don’t understand the stress that their behavior can add to my already full plate when I am responsible for 95% of what happens in our household. Nor, should they… my stress and adult responsibilities are not their problems.
I owe it to them to lead by example. I don’t tolerate them yelling at me or each other, so really, I shouldn’t tolerate it when I do it to them.
My temper has been there as long as I can remember. As I do more and more self-exploration, I realize that there are things that make it worse:
- clutter
- claustrophobia
- over-stimulation
- stress
and things that make it better:
- getting outside time
- hormone supplements
- alone time
- having something to look forward to
I am hopeful that knowing these tangibles will help me find a better path towards managing my anger. I haven’t quite figured it out just yet, but I do feel like owning this flaw in myself is the first step and my desire to do better is the second.
Tell me, mamas, how do you help manage anger?
Sara, I have to do very similar things as you to calm myself, and my triggers are about the same as well. My hubby usually can tell when I’m getting near that point (or when I’ve already passed it), and he’ll send me off by myself to have some quiet time and get me some calming tea… I’ve always worried I was missing some key mom gene with such a short temper and limited patience for my kid. You’re such an amazing mom, I’m so glad you shared with all of us! I’m sure there are others out there.. One thing that really helps my mental state is working out, so it’s really something I need to start doing for myself – and my family again. Thank you!!! 😍
Darn autocorrect… Sarah!!!!! 😉