Sippy Cups Are The Worst

If I were one of those people who had a mortal enemy, I would have to say it is Richard Belanger. I suppose I should mention that I’ve actually met Mr. Belanger, and he has never done anything to me personally. The problem is that Mr. Belanger is the inventor of the Sippy Cup.

And Sippy Cups are the worst thing ever.

Okay, first I have to admit that I understand the use of the Sippy Cup. A million spills have been avoided in my house because of a bit of molded plastic. And while the saying suggests we shouldn’t cry over spilled milk, seriously, try telling that to a toddler.

I also recognize that they’re a part of modern life, and having used them and discovered their usefulness, I can’t see myself going back.

Yet, isn’t that part of its awful genius? They come up with something that is useful, and yet equally terrible. They’re simply the worst, and nothing better exists, so you have no choice but to endure.

Here are some reasons why Sippy Cups and other Spill Proof cups are terrible.

1. There are a million different kinds of these cups, and they’re all just different enough that none of the parts are interchangeable. So, when you have a three-year-old screaming for milk you have to look for ten minutes to find the right top to go with the right body.
2. They’re a pain in the butt to clean. Most really aren’t supposed to go in the dishwasher. The parts you can put in the dishwasher are actually pretty easy to clean by hand. It’s all the rest of the stuff, with its little nooks and crannies that drive you insane.
3. You never forget the smell of a Sippy Cup that has rolled under the bed.
4. You never forget the smell of the 100 subsequent times this happens because the kid keeps insisting on bringing the damn things into the bed.
5. Clear plastic valves with clear plastic arrows that have to be specifically squeezed and inserted like an Indiana Jones dungeon trap otherwise it doesn’t work and your child cries.
6. You lose the stupid plastic value when you took apart all seven pieces, and now every time it falls over it leaks and the child cries.
7. You never forget the smell of a Sippy Cup your kid leaves it in the car on a summer day.
8. Awhile back my wife brought home some air right ones with a push button. Fun fact, if those sit around for too long, they kinda explode when you open them.
9. If the lid is not twisted on with just the right angle, with just the right degree of tightness, they leak. And your child cries.
10. Just when you think you are done with them and never have to see another one, the next kid grows into Sippy Cup range and it all starts again.