Helping Our Kid’s With Self-Esteem

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Growing up I was blessed with parents that never talked negatively about themselves or us. More specifically I can’t recall a time when my mom talked negatively about her body, her skills or her image. I didn’t know it back then but this has been one of the greatest gifts from her to me. Don’t get me wrong I, like most of us, have things about myself I wish could change. And we all know these things can intensify as you get older, have kids or go through a difficult situation. However, it is still possible to have positive self-esteem and be able to help our kids build one as well.

Before I had a kid I never gave much thought to how much parents can influence the way children see themselves. It wasn’t until I watch this video made by Dove that I realized how much we influence them in this area. In the video, they ask mothers what will your beauty legacy be? They look at how our beauty confidence can echo through the women in our lives, especially our children. It was very eye-opening to see how much influence these moms had on their daughters. It also shows that how we feel about ourselves does affect how our children feel about themselves.

With this in mind, I want to make sure I remind myself of the following things when being around my son and other children:

  • Praise your kids but in a wise way – make sure you are praising not only the result but more importantly the effort. For example, “I know you wanted to win the game but you worked really hard on helping the team score and I am proud of you.” Also, make sure we are not overpraising. Limiting excess positive feedback is important because it can lead to an inflated ego.
  • Assign chores and responsibilities – by assigning tasks that your child can accomplish, he or she will develop self-confidence and internalize values. It’s important that these are age appreciate and that they get feedback when things are done correctly and when they are not. There are a lot of resources online regarding chore charts and age-appropriate chores. Here’s one of my favorites: Melissa & Doug Responsibility Chart
  • Be a positive role model – think about what you say about yourself and others in front of your children. You are everything to them and if you are constantly criticizing yourself, for example, your big nose, they will learn that, mimic that and accept it as ok. I think it is ok to point out areas of improvement but we need to make sure we do it in an intelligent and non-shameful way.

A good healthy self-esteem matters because it helps kids to try their best, have confidence in themselves, cope with disappointment, and overall do better in life. If you have any other ideas on how to help our kids develop a healthy self-esteem, I would love to hear from you!

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