The holidays were intense. The matching pajamas, coordinating outfits for professional family pictures, hundreds of dollars of presents nestled beneath a perfect tree. And don’t forget the pictures of kids holding hands with the big snowman at the Festival of Lights and excited smiles while on Santa’s lap. If these all sound familiar to you, it’s probably because these pictures took over your newsfeed throughout December as moms everywhere posted their perfect holiday moments. I am not here to shame them. In fact, I was one of them. Maybe you were too. My concern lies in how these pictures make me feel, and usually that’s like a big fat failure.
We went to the Festival of Lights as a family. I imagined how much our toddlers would enjoy the beautiful lights and all of the Christmas trees. I planned on taking a family picture, to keep (and probably share) as a memento from our wonderful time together. Well, the night ended with a screaming two year old, a fighting married couple and an overly tired baby. Oh, and me in tears. Why the tears? I didn’t get a picture. One picture. I have thousands of pictures of my kids on my phone, but I felt like a failure because I couldn’t get a smiling image of my children in front of a decorated tree. How did other families do it?
The truth is, most Facebook pictures are a lie. Maybe that’s an exaggeration, but I don’t think it’s too far off. Let’s take this image for instance, one that I took not long ago….
You see a mom, sitting and enjoying a cup of coffee, while her young children play quietly at her feet. But what you don’t know is two minutes later, he will take that book from her and she will scream for a half an hour straight. The floor does not have a rug, because we had to get it professionally cleaned from all the puke resulting from a recent illness. You may think this mug is funny, but it’s really true. This mom hasn’t had a full night’s sleep in over three years. And they are all sitting in the baby’s bedroom because she had just refused to nap. Again. But all my Facebook friends just think I have my act together and my calm children are angels.
So what’s the harm in seeing all of these perfect perceptions? I can only speak for myself, but sometimes they make me feel like I’m missing something. Why won’t my kids snuggle together for a picture? How does she get her hair to look so good every single day? Wow, they go out on a lot of date nights! I wish we had a master bathroom like that. I’m not always so envious, but I don’t like that scrolling through my feed turns me into a green-eyed monster.
Ironically, if you scroll through my page, you will see these same types of images. So am I making other moms feel this way too? Maybe. Probably. But I hope not. Because behind each of these pictures, is the messy, far from perfect truth. And my guess is that there is more to those other “perfect mom” pictures as well.
I’d love to see more real life, honest portrayals of motherhood, because it’s not perfect. Kids have meltdowns, our houses are a mess, we all get in fights and our outfits certainly do not always coordinate. I think I would feel more camaraderie if I saw other family pictures where the kids just don’t want to participate. Facebook was created for sharing and connecting. We’ve turned it into our own personal fantasy life, with proof right there on our pages. We can keep posting these beautiful images, but let’s try and balance it a bit and “keep it real.” I propose we start the hashtag #realcincymoms, in celebration of the imperfect nature of motherhood. Join me in capturing those moments that make us cry, laugh and roll our eyes. What a perfect way to remember this journey.
