Last Saturday, I sat in a hot tub, drinking a chocolate martini with a handful of my nearest and dearest friends. This happened IN REAL LIFE. I wasn’t fantasizing. It really, really happened. To me!
It happened because I have a friend who is a Mom Who Has It All Together (MWHIAT). She’s awesome. Here’s how she pulled it off:
- Last fall, MWHIAT came up with the idea for all of us – five couples and a dozen kids – to rent a cabin together, in Hocking Hills. We all nodded enthusiastically. What a good idea! Go for it, MWHIAT!
- She figured out a weekend that worked with everyone’s schedule.
- She took the initiative to check-out options and sent a concise, well-researched email with suggestions.
- She solicited input, then refined it based on everyone’s budget.
- She made the reservation on her own credit card.
- One couple backed out. She tried to find back-ups. She recalculated the price tag.
- She sent out ideas for how to split up the (not insignificant) task of food prep. She took the hardest ones.
Then, we all paid up and showed up, bringing groceries, appetites, kids, beer, wine, and enthusiasm. The kids spent the weekend shrieking with delight – I barely saw them. The grown-ups pretended we were still in college (slightly more responsible, though).
Like me, MWHIAT has three young kids. Hers are all boys, aged five to one. She’s spent the last half-decade pregnant, nursing, and parenting. She also finished graduate school and held down a full-time job. She has a long commute, juggles several types of childcare.
She’s not superwoman. I know her well enough to say that this has been very hard for her. She’s been stressed out, been forced to make the kinds of compromises we all must make when parenting jumps from theory and into practice. And she’s taken it like she takes most things, which is how a person takes a bull by the horns. Straight on.
So many times in my motherhood journey, I’m living The Famous Nightmare of Being Horribly Unprepared. I have to give a speech, but I’ve forgotten my pants. I’ve just found out I have a final in a class I didn’t know I was taking. Someone needs to adult, and holy hell, that someone is me. In my underwear. And everyone is looking.
Maybe it’s because motherhood starts with a year+ of chronic sleep deprivation and a huge influx of bodily fluid clean-up, but a lot of the mental journey has been giving myself permission to be a flaming mess.
MWHIAT is going through the mess, too. She feels the same way. She freaks out, sure, but then she puts her head down and works. Perhaps harder than anyone else I know. She doesn’t forget birthdays. She rarely shows up late. When something else gets added to her (full) plate, she sighs, whines, and pushes even harder.
That night, in the hot tub, she TOTALLY had too many martinis. She was laughing louder than anyone. I wonder if it’s because she knew that this – the whole weekend – would never have happened without her. It was a gift she gave us all, sitting there in our conservative bathing suits, making ridiculous jokes and basking in a moment’s break from being Mom.
This is a great read. I know, I try to be that MWHIAT too, but continually fall short. Nice to know they do exist though!