My Kids Don’t Believe in Santa

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I grew up in a family crazy about Christmas. Christmas music played twelve months a year, eight full-sized Christmas trees decorated our living room, and individual present counts neared one hundred. It was crazy, but it was fun. Really fun. I still love Christmas. My friends even say I am Christmas crazy, but my kids don’t believe in Santa Claus.

When our first child was born, we followed the typical Christmas script. We read Christmas books, watched Christmas movies and visited the mall Santa. Eventually, our son began asking questions, LOTS of questions. Saying, “Oh honey, it’s magic” no longer satisfied him. He wanted real answers…. and I began to feel like I wasn’t being truthful.

So, we told him the whole story – what we knew about who Saint Nicholas really was – a generous man who loved children. We explained that though Saint Nicholas was no longer alive, people throughout the world celebrate him and recognize his goodness as a beautiful part of the Christmas celebration. We told him that adults pretend to be Santa Claus so that their children will experience the wondrous gift of generosity.

I admit that we were hesitant about this. Not playing Santa Claus felt like a loss. We weren’t positive that it was the right thing to do, but, in the end, it was the decision that left us feeling the least conflicted.

Something really surprising happened, though. My barely four-year-old boy? He got it! Grown-ups pretending? He LOVED it! Make-believe? Imagining? That was his world at the time, and it made perfect sense to him. I hadn’t realized it, initially, but giving my kids the whole story, opened up the fun to the entire family. We didn’t lose the magic-we gained access to the power and innocence of a child’s imagination. We were doing it together; we had gained playmates! We still read the books and watch the movies. We write letters to Santa and sit on his lap at the mall. We do it all with a spirit of excitement, but everyone is in on the secret.

Looking back now, this all seems perfectly logical, but at the time it really surprised me. My kids (now 8,6, and 4) spend nearly all their time pretending. If there is anything they understand, it is the value of imagination. In one day they may be band members, shop keepers, orphaned children surviving alone in the woods, and kings and queen of an imaginary country. It is how they spend most of their time, it is what is important to them, and now we could “pretend Christmas” as a family.

We didn’t tell them Santa Claus was “fake,” and that the fun was over, we told them that we all pretend together, and the fun has just begun! Across the globe, we pretend this beautiful story to show love and generosity to the people we care for most.

What could be more wonderful than that?

Another unexpected result of this experiment was that by making Santa Claus a little bit smaller, we were able to make our religious beliefs a larger focus. The kids readily embrace the story of Jesus’s birth as the main focus of the holiday. Their wish lists are a part of it, of course, but since they aren’t imagining millions of magical elves making (for free) any and everything their hearts desire, there is more room for celebration of what we have already been given and of generosity towards others. We are able to guide their attitudes a bit more freely, in that respect, and that is important to us.

Turns out, this decision was perfect for us. On Christmas morning, the kids all know who the actual gift-givers are, but the house is certainly filled with delightful squeals and magical moments.



Cincinnati Moms Blog offers a special thank you to today’s guest blogger, Ali Mackall.
IMG_0904-1Ali’s Bio: Ali is a wife and homeschooling mom of three. She holds a History degree from Boston University and considers “dressing up” to mean the yoga pants without holes.

8 COMMENTS

  1. Ali, I absolutely love this idea ! What do you tell your children about sharing this tradition with their friends who are believers ? Thank you & Merry Christmas to your family….

    • Thanks! And great question! Basically, I threaten to kill them if they spill the beans! Just kidding….I *do* tell them that it is something only moms and dads should tell their kids. I remind them that since we are all pretending, talking to their friends about Santa Claus is part of the game. It is okay to be excited, and it is okay if their friends’ families pretend differently than we do. When a grown up asks them what Santa is bringing them for Christmas, they usually just answer with something from their wish list. They don’t feel the need to tell even the *adults* what they know about Santa, they just keep playing the game. So far it has worked pretty well. I get a little nervous sometimes when it comes up while they are playing, but so far they have handled it really well.

  2. Love this. My daughter doesn’t believe in Santa either and turns out it has been more fun pretending “with” her. It’s like we’re on the same team. She thinks she’s in on a big secret too and loves it.

  3. Oh, how I wish I had done this with my own son (now 11 and still “believing”). I always downplayed the idea of Santa, but he picked it up ensthusiastically and I didn’t know how to handle it. This sounds perfect.

  4. Love this! It is almost identical to what we do. They know he is pretend and Jesus is the reason we celebrate Christmas. We still enjoy the books, movies, giving gifts and having stockings and learning about St. Nicholas. We have had very similar conversations about not sharing with friends and cousins who do believe. We have had some close calls with littler ones, but it is only about 30 days out of the year we have to remind them.

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