Homeschool to High School: What We Learned

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When my oldest finished fifth grade, we decided to homeschool. I was frustrated with a long list of issues at school, and homeschooling offered so many perks. I was excited about having more time with my kids, customizing curriculum to their needs, moving at our own pace, and having more freedom in our days. Homeschooling turned out to be wonderful in all the ways I hoped it would be. We planned to continue until they all went to college. Yet, as teenagers sometimes do, my oldest had other plans.

After three years of homeschooling, he decided it was time to go back to school for high school. Even though I love homeschooling, my kids always have a voice in whether we continue. After all, it’s their education and their lives. Luckily, a very good high school was available to us so he enrolled.

Here’s what we learned. Some of these tips are specific to the transition out of homeschooling into a traditional school. Others could probably apply to anyone moving into high school.

  1. Find a parent who can give you the inside scoop. Scheduling, placement testing, forms—so many forms, meetings, setting up accounts—so many accounts, and all the other details of school were absolutely overwhelming. The school was not particularly helpful in guiding us through any part of it since most students entering ninth grade had experience. They mastered all of that in seventh and eighth grade. Luckily, a mom I know was willing to fill me in. She could tell me what was important and what wasn’t, how quickly I should expect a response from a teacher or counselor, when to call and insist on some action, what to worry about and what to ignore. I am forever grateful she was willing to answer my endless questions and calm my fears.
  2. Trust that you know your child best. You have been both teacher and parent, spent more time with him than anyone else, and know better than anyone what he can and cannot do. I don’t do a lot of testing or keep grades in our homeschool. We simply work on a skill until the kids and I are both confident that they have it down. On one hand, that means I don’t have any “proof,” as in a test score, to show what they know. However, because we work so closely together, I am very aware of their strengths and weaknesses, where they excel and where they struggle. Some schools use placement tests to decide which level classes a new student should take, but not all do. And most don’t for every subject. So when you don’t have a test to rely on, trust that you know your student best and can make a good decision about where they belong.
  3. Trust the work you and your student did. You know if you really covered biology in eighth grade or if you went on three field trips, watched some YouTube videos, and called it biology. If you really did cover biology in the eighth grade, give your student credit for it. He earned it. Have a simple transcript prepared to present any high school level work your student did prior to ninth grade. It’s easy to Google templates and examples so you don’t have to create this from scratch. I also included a short summary of the curriculum and materials we used to show what we covered. Then, work under the assumption that your student has already earned those credits and just needs them added to their transcript at their new school. While I didn’t have to go to battle to make this happen, I have heard from other parents who did. I was prepared to make sure my kid got credit for the work he had done. I suggest you hope for the best—that it will be no big deal, but prepare to fight for it if you have to.
  4. Go to parent-teacher conferences. I don’t know if it’s like this everywhere, but at our school, conferences are geared towards the struggling students. Parents of students who are doing well in their classes don’t generally schedule a conference with the teacher. So my son’s teachers were very confused when I emailed them to set up a time. Do it anyway. Moving from homeschool to high school is a big adjustment for you and your kid. Teachers will have a better understanding of the situation if you sit down and talk with them. The teachers I met with were grateful to know that we had homeschooled and that my son was new to the building so they could support him in ways they might not need to for other students. One offered to help him find a club he might like. Another teacher said he would make sure to do some group activities so that our son had a chance to get to know his classmates. It also helped them to know he might need extra information sometimes, maybe about school protocol, lingo specific to his school, or material they assumed he covered in middle school. Inevitably, someone will say, “Oh, you all learned this last year in your _____ class.” Conferences are a good opportunity to let teachers know that your student might not have.
  5. Some of it is just a game, and the faster you learn the rules, the better. My son actually taught me this lesson. He quickly figured out what was important and what wasn’t. I believed that all learning is important and deserved his best effort and attention. At least, that’s was how we approach learning in our homeschool. If it isn’t important, we don’t do it. He realized that high school, and probably school in general, has different rules. It was more important to spend his time and energy where it had the biggest impact on his learning and his grades. Maybe an example would explain this better. In math, where he easily understood the material and didn’t need a lot of practice, a five-point homework assignment was pretty unimportant. So when he forgot to do an assignment or his teacher didn’t enter a homework grade that he did turn in, he didn’t worry about it. He didn’t spend any time or energy to fix it. His grade didn’t suffer at all. However, in English, he needed to do all the parts of the writing process—an outline, a draft, editing—both for his grade’s sake and in order to have a quality product at the end. Therefore, he spent the time and energy to do each step thoughtfully.
  6. Just take the study hall. I have a moral objection to study hall. Only sort of kidding. I’m going to be that annoying old person for a minute and say, “Back in my day…we never took a study hall. Study hall was for losers and lazy kids.” Well, this isn’t 1989 anymore, my friends. Homework can get out of control, and after-school activities suck up a lot of a student’s evening. At least for the first year, build in a cushion with study hall. It’s an extra hour to do all that homework and studying, not to mention a quiet break in the day for a student who isn’t used to being around hundreds of people all day long.
  7. Figure out when to step back and when to step in. As a mom, this is probably the hardest lesson to learn. I’m still working on it. I think one of the main reasons my son decided on high school outside of our home was to expand his independence. Independence is not a bad thing. That’s what teenagers are supposed to do. So I am letting him have as much independence as I possibly can. I’m not checking his grades every week, setting up a study schedule, quizzing him before a test, or monitoring when he goes to sleep. He continues to prove that he can handle all of that without my input, so I stay out of it. At the same time, I make sure he always knows I am available. The easiest way to know when to step in is to wait for your kid to ask. If he wants my help in reviewing for a test, he asks. I’m happy to. If he wants me to edit his English paper, he asks. I’d love to. The vast majority of the time though, he doesn’t need help. He figured out how to manage the lunchroom, how to organize his time, how to navigate the bus, and how to get enough sleep all on his own. So most of the time, I am just standing back, watching, and silently encouraging him.
  8. On the other hand, know when to nudge. Or shove. Homeschooling can be comfortable for the socially anxious or introverted teen. A school with hundreds or thousands of other teens is a whole new ballgame. High school can be lonely, or it can be the door to a million opportunities. There are so many ways for a kid to step out of his comfort zone, try new things, make friends, and explore his skills, talents, and interests. My kid wasn’t going to do any of those things without a shove from me. It wasn’t pretty or fun, but I thought it was really important to shove him anyway. He learned that new things aren’t always scary and that he can survive new, uncomfortable situations and even have some fun in the process. I might see a tiny bit more willingness to try new things, and that was really the point. 
  9. You do you. Don’t change (too much) to fit the school mold. As a homeschooling parent, you probably have a pretty clear vision of how you want your children educated, what effective teaching and learning look like, how school and family life work together. Just because my kid decided to go to school, we didn’t change all of that. Obviously, we had to change some things, like our schedule. We would not get up at 5:15 AM if it weren’t for the school schedule. Then again, it’s kind of essential if my son wants to get to school on time. Our approach to learning hasn’t changed though. Even though other people are teaching him all day, I am still responsible for his education. We talk about what happened in his day and what’s happening in the world. I send him articles to read, and he brings me the cool science video he just discovered. He asks me for help when he’s stumped by his homework, and we figure it out together. School also impacts our family time, but I try hard to guard it as much as possible. We say no to more after-school events and meetings than we say yes to. I make myself available when it might not be convenient for me (10 PM—yawwwwn) because it’s the time my kid tends to naturally open up and want to talk. It’s ok. I can sleep when he goes to college, right?
  10. Try not to worry. Take some deep breaths, have a glass of wine, do a little meditation—whatever helps you calm the worry I suspect is running through your mind. Even a year into high school, I still worry every day. But I don’t need to, and neither do you. Homeschooling serves our children well, no matter where they go to school. Being self-directed. Developing a deep love of learning. Figuring out how to use one’s time wisely. All the important lessons they learn in homeschool transfer to “real” school and make them excellent students. They really will be OK.

If your child is starting high school, I wish you luck and a giant helping of calm. There’s a lot of newness to absorb, growing pains for this new stage of independence and exploration, and always bumps and surprises we can’t prepare for. But we were prepared enough. We did it. We are doing it. And you can do it, too. 

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