My husband and I are frequently accused of so-called unreasonable parenting. Not by our peers, but by those self-proclaimed experts who bear the brunt of our irrational rules and regulations – our children. Whether you have been formally charged or not, the following are some tell-tale signs that, like us, you may be asking too much of your children.
SET (AND ENFORCE!) BEDTIMES. Rumor has it we are the only family in the area with this nonsensical expectation. But just in case we aren’t, regulated bedtime is an excellent indicator of unreasonable parenting. Why send your little darlings to bed when they aren’t even tiiiiired? True, they may fall asleep within 10 minutes of being tucked in, but it’s due to sheer boredom. Sleepiness had nothing to do with it.
HYGIENE. Do you make your kids bathe regularly? Brush their teeth and hair? Change their underwear daily (gasp!)? How could you?! They’re just going to get dirty again. Colossal waste of valuable play time, especially when you factor in all that enforced bedtime nonsense.
DRESS FOR THE WEATHER. Who says Crocs aren’t appropriate footwear in 5 inches of snow? And winter coats? Completely unnecessary. There is not one good reason why one cannot wear a sleeveless sundress when the mercury dips below freezing. Not one.
LIMITS ON ELECTRONICS. Again, we are frequently reminded that our children are the only children not given free reign over time spent in front of the screen. Fair warning – if you are considering adopting a similar policy in your home, don’t do it. Limits such as these are about as unreasonable as they come.
MANDATORY ACTIVE TIME. If only they were allowed to veg out in front of the TV all day, this unreasonable demand would be moot. Seriously, who makes their kids ride a bike? Kick a ball? Take a walk?! Being young is exhausting enough, without the added stress of physical activity. You’re just trying to justify that ridiculous bedtime thing again, aren’t you?
NO EXOTIC PETS. Honestly, is it so ridiculous to ask one to open their home to a majestic 3 foot long lizard? Or an adorable fuzzy ferret? Or a baby monkey? Sure, your kids may have lost their pet rocks after a few hours, but a living, breathing, high maintenance critter? They’d be all over that.
CHORES. This one is really a no brainer. With so much to do in one day, do your kids really have time to make their beds, clean up their toys, unset the table, and put their laundry away? It’s not like they have all the free time in the world. You do make them go to bed on time, after all.
CONTROLLED SUGAR CONSUMPTION. Come on, you unreasonable parent, you. Sugar is on the food pyramid. At the very top. Where all the important stuff goes. And veggies are for rabbits, which you would know if you’d just let your kids get one. Or six.
I have a feeling we aren’t the only unreasonable parents out there. But in case we are…now you know how to avoid becoming one!