My father struggles with depression tendencies…so does my mother-in-law. They both passed it down to my husband and me. And, we just had to find each other in this great big world. What a combination!
As they say, “The struggle is real!” I have a hard time keeping my thoughts from spiraling out of control until every little thing seems like a huge ordeal. The things that normally wouldn’t bother me then grate on my every nerve. My hubby gets the same way.
I struggle with opening-up and talking about what is going on inside my head. My husband tends to over-express himself, which is good and bad. I get what he calls a “superwoman” complex, where I think it’s a sign of strength to hold it all in and not share with him when I am struggling. He is right; I always think that I can cause him less stress by keeping it in, so he won’t know I’m not at 100%. However, he always knows, and my not telling him exactly what is triggering my struggle, makes him wonder if he’s the one that’s not making me happy. Then, I have to assure him that it’s really me and not him.
There are days where I just can’t muster up a smile, days where I’m not as patient as I should be with our kid, and days where I just feel so exhausted from the inside out, that I can barely motivate myself to move.
Thankfully, our individual bad days rarely seem to overlap. The days when I am down, seem to be the days when he is upbeat and positive. He can pull me up. His hardest days seem to be the ones when I am happy and can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Those are my days to lift him up out of the darkness.
I am so blessed to have a partner and best friend who can balance me out when I need it and that I can be that for him, in return. The one that benefits the most is our daughter. She is able to get the love, attention, and patience she needs between the two of us.
It’s hard to talk about, but it’s very real. I am sure that other moms (and couples) go through this as well, perhaps in different ways. Being able to communicate with one another and take turns being there for each other are essential. Our marriage wins. Our kids win. We win at this game called life.