Those who know our family well would know that we are relational and that we intently examine the way that each of our five family members extends what we respond to as the “Five Love Languages”.
“You can simply remember that behavioral expressions of love can be divided into physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and words of affirmation.” Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages for Children
I know that every family commits to different types of family time to best meet the rigors of their life’s schedule and investments. For us, we strive to intentionally carve out family times where we enjoy doing something together. This could look like a walk in the park, playing on the playground, playing board games, or exploring the city.
Regardless of the activity, it is a time where phones are down, busyness stops, and we reprieve together. This time is one of our core family values and we believe in how it sustains our togetherness and gives us the space to work out tensions and see our strengths as a unit. It allows for moments to strengthen our unity, our love, and our grace as a family. We do also set aside community times where we invest in other people together as a family, but this time of us five investing in one another is part of our schedule and its a place of importance for us.
To maintain the unity of our family, my husband and I firmly believe in the power of knowing one another’s strengths and weaknesses and giving the space for the individual expressions found within the unit of us a home of five.
To best do this, we started “dating” our children. I have found within my motherhood journey when I start feeling chaotic and burned out toward my children, that when I separate them and focus on each of their hearts separately then grace abounds. Juggling their dynamics of different personalities, response to the environment and expressions of love can become too big for my spirit at times and it is when I started dating my children that I learned them best and received encouragement for how to best love on them when we are all together.
How to date your kids:
- As a family will need to identify the necessary needs of your schedule and then carve out times within your month to separate “Mommy Dates” and “Daddy dates”. Some of you may like to do your Mom and Dad dates together with one child, but that is not as feasible for us or meets our desired type of quality time with them. If you are a single mom with multiple children then you can reach out to a friend or family member who can give you this time with your little ones. My husband and I sit down with our schedule at the beginning of the month and carve out a day monthly to focus on these individual dates. For us, on many of those, I may plan a Saturday so it is one day and then split up the day among my children {AM with one child, Lunch afternoon with another, and evening with a child}. I know some of you reading this may have 3+ kids and that could seem like a lot, but it is all in how you carve out your schedule. Some dates with a child may be while other kids are in school, etc. We focus on once a month so it is more manageable for our current season.
- Keep dates within your budget. We have been in a season where the dates may look like a trip to the park where no money is spent but time together and laughter shared is the extent of the quality time together. If something specific is going on then some dates may be allotted in our budget to spend more, but that depends on your season and your allotment. These dates are not intended to create an expectation for “go big or go home” type of times together, but to teach the beauty of focused shared time with those that you love.
- Learn how your kid best receives and extends love: the Five Love Languages has been an amazing resource for us to learn more about this with one another and with our children. This helps us as we sit down with them and give them options of what to do on our date together. We allow it to be a conversation with them and it has worked out that it has been within reason of our budget for their dates.
Examples:
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- Physical Touch: house time to snuggle on the couch and watch a movie together
- Quality Time: this involves anything with you two doing something together
- Acts of Service: doing a community project together or something like making a meal for someone and taking it to them
- Words of affirmation: coffee shop date over hot chocolate and giving the space to share what is on their heart
Do you date your kids? If so, how do you schedule your times together?
