Adoption Perspectives: Why I Chose IVF {Series}

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We all know that motherhood is not one size fits all. This includes the process of raising your child(ren), but it also includes how you came about those children in the first place. Adoption is one of many paths someone can take to motherhood. And it is a wonderful path. In this series, we are exploring a variety of perspectives and experiences around the topic of adoption. We welcome open discussion and respectful communication from all of our readers on this topic in the comments below. If you have a perspective you would like to share as a guest post on the blog regarding this topic, we would love to read it. You can send guest post submissions to [email protected]

feetHere are some facts about me:

I have Poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), one of the more common causes of infertility in women.

It took me 2 and 1/2 years to get pregnant.

During that time, I took all kind of medications. Pills, injections, more pills, more injections, almost all with side effects of which I was not a huge fan.

We tried cycles with timed intercourse. We tried IUI.

We got pregnant. We miscarried.

My hormone levels literally took FOREVER to go down after the miscarriage, during which time I became a complete basket case of desperation.

We tried IVF.

I got Ovarian Hyper-Stimulation Syndrome (OHSS) and it was by far the worst physical pain I have felt in my life.

We got pregnant… with twins. I miscarried one of them.

I had a daughter.

Later, we did an FET.

I got pregnant again and had another daughter.

We paid a lot of money for all of the above.

I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.

Recently, we had a guest blogger write her thoughts on what she perceives to be the decline in adoption due to the rise in infertility treatments. This compelled me to write this post in response.

Did I think about adoption? Sure. Do I think adoption is a gift to a lot of people? Without a doubt. But, I also feel zero guilt about choosing to pursue pregnancy and the chance to mother my own biological children.

I wanted to be a mother from a very young age, but more than that I dreamed about the experience of pregnancy. I had a strong inclination that getting pregnant was not going to be easy as my body had never found a rhythm from the very beginning of puberty. Still, when I was actually diagnosed with PCOS, I felt like my world had caved in on me. I was fortunate enough to find a reproductive endocrinologist who had zero doubt that he would get me pregnant. To this day, I am grateful for him. I am grateful for his confidence, his expertise, the support of his staff and the gift he ultimately gave me. It is thanks to him that I finally began to feel normal. I finally began to feel hope. And eventually, I got to feel my baby kick… from the inside.

Pregnancy was everything I dreamed it would be. It was uncomfortable at times, but amazing always. It was awe inducing and incredibly comforting to me. I felt whole for the first time in my entire life. I loved seeing what my body was capable of. Even if it couldn’t do the conception thing right, it did pregnancy really well.

I feel that it is innate in us to want to see reflections of ourselves in our children, so there is also that.

Would we have adopted if we had not been able to conceive? I am not sure. My husband and I only briefly had that conversation. The process of fertility treatments was not without hardship. But, it was what I needed to do. And I will not apologize for that.

Why does anyone get pregnant and have their own biological children? My reasons are not so different. Should I not have that chance, simply because of a medical diagnosis? I have many friends who are adoptive mothers and I am in awe of them. I have witnessed the beauty of open adoption and seen without a doubt that a mother’s love for their children is fierce and true regardless of how the relationship was initiated. I wish the process of adoption was less complicated than it is. I also wish there was more support for those who require fertility treatments.

In the end… I hope that everyone who hopes to be a mother can have that prayer answered. Regardless of the path necessary to get them there.

2 COMMENTS

  1. Thanks for this Sarah. We are on our third IVF. You make an excellent point – why should -only- infertile couples be told to consider adoption? That comment drives me crazy. We choose IVF because it is RIGHT FOR US. Adoption might be right for someone else – whether they can easily have a biological child or not. But telling people who chose fertility treatments that they should just adopt is just inconsiderate. Maybe everyone should consider adoption before starting a family, not just those who need treatments to have one.

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