A Letter to My Son on the Eve of Turning Twelve

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LetterHow did we get here? Just like all the other weary moms of babies, I rolled my eyes at all the veterans who told me, “Enjoy every minute. It goes so fast.” “I am, I am,” I thought. “At least every minute that I can—every minute that I’m not being barfed on or pooped on or drooled on.” I enjoyed every minute, and still just a few days ago you were snuggled in my arms nursing, sitting on my lap to hear Goodnight Moon again, toddling off to preschool with your gigantic backpack, and learning to tie your shoes for the first day of kindergarten.

Then yesterday, you outgrew your size 12 jeans. Yes, yesterday. I know because I’ve been watching you, and they were not above your ankle bone last week. They are today. There are a lot of problems I see with this, not the least of which is that YOU ARE NOT TWELVE YET! Could you just stop it with the growing already? Not forever. Just until you’re like…37. Okay fine, 19.

But with or without me, whether I like it or not, you are turning twelve very, very soon so there are a few things I’d like you to know before adolescence starts smacking us around:

  1. I am beyond proud of the person you are. I’m not talking about being an excellent student, a star athlete, a musical genius, a talented artist, a future doctor or President of the United States. You may be some of these things, but that’s not what I mean. You are kind. You would rather stay silent than say something that will cause hurt feelings. You love your family deeply and aren’t afraid to show it. You ask questions and want to understand people and world around you. Keep doing all of those things forever.
  2. Do not believe the news, the Internet, or the frightened people who tell you the world is a horrible place. Sometimes it may seem scary and dangerous. Sometimes very bad things happen, but do not believe that is all. Do not believe that is even most of the world. Go out and see for yourself. Go all around the city, the country, the world, and talk to the people you meet. I promise you will find good. You will find honesty. You will find kindness. You will find generosity. You will find so much good. And even when it’s difficult to find, it’s totally worth the search.
  3. The good is in the hard. I know it seems like life would be so much better if everything were just EASIER! But that isn’t true at all. Coding a video game, understanding trigonometry, asking someone on a date, woodworking, rock climbing, building friendships, packing up your stuff and traveling far from home—it’s all hard. But hard work is satisfying, and it’s the only thing that creates a life of value. So don’t be afraid of it, and don’t avoid it. Welcome it as one of the tools that makes life great.
  4. You are perfectly loved. The next few years might get a little messy, with all those hormones you’ll be dealing with and your completely natural desire to exert your independence and Dad’s and my perfectly natural desire to keep you safe and close. That’s okay, because we will love you through it. We’ll all make some mistakes, and when we need to, we’ll say we’re sorry, make it right, and love on. Always and forever. No matter what. You never need to spend a single minute wondering about that.

There are a million other things I want to tell you and teach you, but we’ve got some time before college. Not nearly as much time as I’d like, but some. So for now, as the teen years loom, just remember these four things—stay your kind, loving, curious self, seek the good in the world, work hard with satisfaction, and know that you are loved beyond measure. These will see us through.

Well that, and if you could just manage not to outgrow any more pants for a few weeks. Can you work on that, please?

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Tara Limoco
Cincinnati has been my home since graduating from college, and thanks to all the friends I have made here, I am happy to now call it home. I am Mom to three teenagers so life is never boring at our house. While we homeschooled for several years, we are slowly aging out of that adventure and into the new territory of dating, driving, college applications and who knows what next! When my mom hat isn't on, I squeeze in a few of my other loves–exploring our city, crafting, reading, kayaking, hiking, gardening, traveling, and teaching people to take good care of their skin through my Mary Kay business. Oh, and of course writing!

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