5 Life Lessons My Mom Taught me

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5 life lessonsThey say becoming a mother is the most selfless thing you can do.  It’s hard work and it takes sacrifice.  It’s often a thankless job, at least until those ungrateful little rugrats are old enough to understand and express gratitude.  I hate to admit it, but I was one of those ungrateful rugrats.  I don’t think I expressed how much I appreciate my mom until I was probably in my late twenties.  And even then, I couldn’t grasp how much my mother did for me until I became a mother.  My appreciation continues to grow as I think about all the things I’ve learned from my mom.  Here are just a few of the life lessons my mom taught me:

  1.  If you’re not going to do something with 100% effort, don’t do it.

When it came to chores, we were just expected to do them. We weren’t given an allowance until maybe junior high school. And allowance was just a set amount. We would maybe get a bonus for good grades, but we didn’t get a bump for doing extra chores or anything like that. I remember complaining once about something my mom asked me to do and not doing it the way she had asked. I don’t remember exactly what it was because what stands out was how my mom scolded me and told me not to do her any favors. She said if I’m not going to help and do it well, then don’t do it at all. I remember feeling so guilty and sad for letting her down.  Disappointment is one of the worst feelings you can give someone. Whatever it is, someone is asking you to do something and counting on you. Once trust is broken, it’s much harder to gain that trust back.

  1. Always keep a savings account in your own name in case of emergency.

This was drilled into me as soon as I graduated college and even more so before I got married. It was mainly because my mom had a difficult time financially during and after my parents’ divorce. Because my dad had earned our family’s income most all our lives and my mom never had her own bank accounts, she was left scrambling trying to make it on her own. Because of this, after I got married I kept both my own savings and checking accounts. It was important to me to remain financially independent. We had joint accounts and he ended up keeping his own accounts. Even though it made things slightly complicated with 6 accounts between the two of us, it made things a lot simpler to divide our assets when we split. My mom wasn’t telling me I’d end up divorced, but she was saying, you never know.

     3.  It is always better to be over-dressed than under-dressed.

My mother has always paid attention to outward appearances. My mom was and is very particular about we wear. When we were little, my mom made it a point to make sure we were properly dressed at all times. This almost obsession was partly due to my parents being immigrants and not wanting that to show through and partly due to how she was brought up. My mom didn’t want us to look poor or stand out. This wasn’t because she wasn’t proud of our heritage and culture, but because as an outsider, you want to belong. We were always dressed to the nines, in proper attire and 9 times out of 10, over-dressed. Even as adults, my mother would scold us for wearing sweats to the grocery store, on an airplane, or pretty much anywhere in public. The way you look is important, not in a vanity way, but everyone knows, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.”

     4. What goes around comes around.

When I was going to college, I learned a hard lesson and my mom made sure that I learned from it. I got fairly decent grades in high school and was on my way to Purdue University. I was accepted into the School of Agriculture with a major in Food Process Engineering. What the heck is that?! Yeah, I’m not even sure, but I did it because my older sister did. But, she was accepted into the School of Engineering. It’s a big difference, achievement and status wise.  It was a big deal to my parents and I wanted to make my parents proud. So, I appealed my admission. My mom went with me to meet with the Dean of the School of Engineering. Because he agreed to see me, I thought I had a chance. We sat there and I eloquently explained to him why I thought I should be enrolled in the School of Engineering. I was confident and sure I could get in. And then, he pulled out my transcript. He commented on my GPA and all of my extracurricular activities. And then, he circled something and set it down. He asked me to explain what he circled. It was a “C” in chemistry that I received first semester of my junior year. I didn’t have an explanation because I couldn’t tell him I had skipped many days of class with friends. All I said was that I brought it up and finished with a “B” at the end of the school year. He explained how competitive the school is, that consistency was important, and that the first year is the hardest. He didn’t think it was a right fit for me.  I cried. Right then and there. My mom stepped in, thanked him, and pulled me out the door. I thought she was going to hug me to console me, but instead, she scolded me. Not for getting the “C” or not getting into the School of Engineering, but for crying. She said, “What do you expect? If you want something, you work for it. What goes around, comes around. You can’t make a mistake and think it’s not going to come up again. Learn from this. Now, stop crying!”

     5. You are stronger than you realize.

My mom is hard core. I think of my mom and I think of a bulldozer, a dragon, an impenetrable force to be reckoned with. Physically, she’s a petite 5’6” Korean woman weighing no more than 125 lbs when wet. As a kid, I thought she was freakishly strong. I’ve seen my mom load and unload 50lb bags of mulch and soil as if they were 8lb bags of flour. My mom is also the most resilient and resourceful person I know. She has had rougher times in her life and has always risen above, becoming better and stronger than she was before. Growing up in South Korea, my mom had to fend for herself while caring for her two younger brothers. When her and my dad immigrated to Chicago, she did what she could to help raise our family. Not knowing anyone or having any family here, she learned to speak English, took odd jobs, and found her way around the city. Years later when my dad lost his job, she started her own house cleaning business. My mom went back to school to get her associate’s degree after not having been in school for 20 years. After my parents’ divorce, she made it on her own after not having been alone in 27 years. And then, after being diagnosed with stage IIIb colon cancer a year and a half ago, she persevered with strength and grace. When I asked her in awe how she keeps so beautifully strong, she reminded me that strength comes within. That just when you think you’ve hit bottom and can barely lift a finger, there is more strength deep down within that you never thought you had. Everyone has strength, you just have to will it.

These are just a handful of things I’ve learned from my mom that I hope to teach my kids.

What lessons do you hope to pass on to your children?

 

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Lilly Younger
I relocated to Cincinnati in 2010 from Chicago to be with the love of my life. For a good long while I had trouble calling Cincinnati home, but 5 years, a husband, and 2 kids later, I am happy to be a Cincinnatian! I am a proud, tired, loving, tired, creative, tired, and doting stay at home mom to 2 spunky girls, 15 months apart. Prior to having kids, I was an early childhood teacher. It's tough being a teacher mom because I have found there is a difference between teaching and parenting, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love finding and creating exciting, engaging, and fun activities to do with my girls and hope I can share some of what we do with other families.

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