Why My Kids Don’t Play Video Games: Perspectives in Parenting {Series}

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Before I had kids, I had a lot of theories about how I was going to parent. Some of these ideas were attempted and abandoned. Some changed to fit what was ultimately right for me and my family. Some were abandoned due to the reality of parenting or the realization that they just weren’t as important as I thought they would be to me. Or the one, I didn’t see coming… my husband had a different point of view and we needed to find a parental compromise.

But, there are a few that have stuck. Despite family and friends who practice differently and make it clear that they think I am being ridiculous. Despite the fact that my husband, while he doesn’t disagree with me, also would not hold as strongly to the conviction as I do. They are just that important to me. I could write a whole separate post on this topic of remaining strong in your beliefs as a parent despite family pressure/opinion, and perhaps I will. However, today I am writing about one specific topic that is very important to me as a parent.  Video games.

video gamesMy kids don’t play video games. We own a Wii, but I am not even sure if it works. It has been in a box since before kids. My husband had a Nintendo Gamecube when we started dating, but I couldn’t tell you where that even is currently. I don’t think my kids even know that those game systems exist and I am hoping to keep it that way as long as possible, even though I know my time on that is running out as they become more social with their peers.

Beyond that, the only virtual games we have in our house are on our smartphones and even those are minimal. In this tech saturated world, it is impossible to keep children away from it all together. I do let my kids play the games on my phone from time to time, but it’s not a routine occurrence and its reserved for really special times. When we eat out, we color and play tic-tac-toe at the table. If we need to wait somewhere for a while, we play I-spy or read a book. The games are not an option even during these moments, when it could arguably be easier to just hand over my phone to get them to sit still.

My husband also lets my oldest play games on the computer, (ABC Mouse type games), but this is also rare and honestly, I think its because he doesn’t know how to engage them in play in other simple ways. He is a great Dad who will rough-house, play board games, hide and seek, and take them to the park. But, if its raining and they are whining, he isn’t the type of parent who gets out the crafts or is inspired to be creative and build a fort. He doesn’t think about things like play-doh and while he will read to them if they ask, I don’t know if the idea ever pops into his head to where he will suggest it. So, while the computer games don’t bother me in small doses, as all children will need to know how to utilize a computer in this modern era, his tendency to utilize it more, makes me more determined not to do this when they are with me.

I do not think that parents who do let their kids play video games and use technology regularly are bad parents. It’s just not the choice I am making for my family and here is why:

  • My husband has a pretty extensive history of ADD and ADHD in his family. There is research that shows that brains with this type of chemical imbalance can react strongly to video games. I have personally witnessed my husband start a game and 8-10 hours later, he is still playing. He will have done nothing productive with his day and have zero awareness of how much time has passed. (Thankfully, he finally realizes this about himself and doesn’t play those types of games anymore.) My children are at high risk for these imbalances due to their genetics and I want them to develop other parts of their interests, brains and coping. I feel I would be doing them a disservice to introduce them to video games at this stage in their development.
  • I don’t see the benefit. There is a lot of research at the moment delving into technology, TV, etc… and its impact on growth and development in young children. There are some early links between delays in communication and motor skill development in children who experience too much screen time, but nothing crazy statistically significant has been proven… yet. Technology is expanding faster than research can adequately explore it at this point, so the jury is still out on that one. However, what we DO know is the immense benefits that come to young children from good old-fashioned play. Creative play, use of imagination, exploration of new sensory materials, needing to think to entertain oneself. All of these things have proven benefits, so I am sticking with them.
  • They don’t miss what they have never had. This is easy for me right now because they don’t know that these games exist to ask for them. However, when they are introduced to them (The tablets BW3 hands out for example – grrrr.) they know the expectation and that if I let them play, it’s a treat.
  • It doesn’t make them smarter. This is one area that has been researched. There is zero evidence to support Baby Einstein helping with growth and development. And just because an 18 month old can operate a smart phone or an ipad, it does not mean that they are brilliant. This is simple cause and effect, something they learn very early in life. If they can operate the switch on their pop up toys, they can operate a smart phone. (Also, monkeys can operate smart phones, so the fact that a toddler can as well, is just not that impressive.)
  • I despise the trend that I see in society regarding social behavior. I, personally am guilty of this as well, and I can’t even tell you when I became addicted to the access that my smart phone provides me with. I used to be someone who didn’t even remember to take my phone with me in the morning and now I have to consciously leave it in the car when we go to the park so I don’t feel the need to check it all the time. It’s not because I really even NEED to or WANT to, it’s just habit. I remember right after I had kids, I was at a family event sitting in the living room – bored. I looked around and literally all 7 of the other people in the room were engaged with their phones, tablets or e-readers. This is horribly sad to me. I want my children to make eye contact with people. I want them to listen when people talk. I want them to ENGAGE WITH PEOPLE at holiday events.

So , there you have it… the reasons we are a video game free zone in our house. To each his own, but this is one conviction I am standing by as a parent.

5 COMMENTS

  1. I knew I would see a more drastic view on the matter eventually.

    The author seems to be not only talking about video games, but also “smart” portable computers (ie: IPad, IPhone, ect) and seems to lump them together in the same category.

    In my opinion there are many pros and cons to a household that is positively oriented towards this kind of technology. I do not know how old your kids are but they don’t sound old enough to be playing games like GTA or Dark Souls. From this I say depravation of this kind towards video games is going to be doing harm, socially speaking.

    Video games are one of the world’s largest and prosperous industries that fuels Silicon Valley tycoons. And when I mean its a big industry I means it is VERY BIG. It goes FAR beyond Minecraft or Angry Birds.

    Yes your kids will get social with their peers and eventually they will realize they are being excluded from this billion dollar entertainment medium. Sooner or later they will discover that consoles with 50x more processing and graphical power than the Wii exist. They will eventually want to play more video games especially if their friends do.

    PC and console games are the biggest money makers and are both equally approachable.

    If your kids are more susceptible to attention disorders video games are probably not going to be good for that.

    • As I mention in the post, I do believe in moderation and my children are part of a technology saturated world, so they are hardly kept entirely isolated from it. My children are exposed to tablets and technology as part of the school curriculum, as early as Kindergarten (which I don’t necessarily agree with, but it’s how it’s structured these days). As this post was written two years ago, and my children are now in grade school, they are already experiencing the peer influence and desire to play the games their friends play, as you mention. However, I respectfully disagree that this is A) a problem and B) affecting their social lives. As a parent it is my job to choose what is important to me in raising my kids, even when that may not be what Johnny from down the street’s mom does. As for their social skills… I love that my kids engage with other children when we go out. They know how to ask someone what their name is and if they would like to play. They know how to entertain themselves and create fun in the face of boredom. They know how to exercise patience while waiting for food in a restaurant. And when they do get to play on a tablet or smart phone (as we still do not own any video game consoles) they are appreciative as it is special. I know that we will continue to re-evaluate what works for our family as they grow, but I am confident that we will find what works for our family. I hardly think that approach is “extreme.”

  2. IN RESPONSE TO THE READER WHO EMPHASIZED how financially lucrative or “huge” the video game market is and how left out your kids will be if not up on it….do you know that the PORN industry is probably a lot larger than the video game industry?

    According to that logic we’d better allow our kids to engage in PORN lest they become socially isolated and incompetent.

  3. In response to Mary, I think that you are presenting an unfair argument here. It is very true that the porn industry makes billions of dollars every year and so do video games. But in today’s society video games are an important part of a child’s development. Anonymous was not saying to let your kids watch porn (although your kids have probably already delved into that without your knowing). It is up to you to moderate what games your kids are playing/doing. If they want to play a game like minecraft then for God’s sake let them play minecraft. No harm will come with that. As far as the more mature games like Grand Theft Auto or Call of Duty you should keep them away from them until you feel they can handle it. If a child feels left out they will often sort that they’re different from everyone. I have a friend who has never been allowed to play any video games. He recently in the past few years has been allowed to play mobile games more. But he still has trouble making friends because he doesn’t understand basic video game “terms” or “logic”. It’s also been proven that video games help teens and kids escape from reality for a short period of time. Think of it as a coping mechanism. The teen or kid is stressed from school so they go hop on their Xbox or Playstation to play with their friends and forget about their bully or their mean teacher. Thanks – Anonymous2

  4. The original article are my thoughts exactly! My son is almost 7, and has never played a video game. He has played racing games on my phone, or letter/number games, but it is limited. He came home from school yesterday, quite upset that some of his friends were talking about a video game and he couldn’t play with them since he didn’t know what they were doing. I don’t want him to be cut out socially from friends, but I really don’t want him to go down the video game hole when he does so much else with his spare time (plays outside, does arts and crafts, plays board games, or builds things with his dad). I am glad I am not the only parent that is restricting the use of video games, but it looks like I am one of the very few.

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