September 10th is World Suicide Prevention Day. I don’t know if you have been personally affected by suicide, but I’d venture to say that everyone has in one way or another, distantly or up close. I’ve been affected by it personally.
You see, several years ago, while in an extreme depressive state, I attempted to overdose on prescription medications. I had a history of depression, dating back to childhood, but not officially diagnosed until after my first son was born. I had signs of depression for a long time, but more often than not, those “signs” were overlooked and attributed to so many other “superficial” variances.
Oh Abby, she’s just:
- Overweight and is unhappy about that.
- Single and unhappy.
- Married now but didn’t have a wedding so she’s down.
- Having difficulties getting pregnant so that’s been a rough time.
- Gained weight again and she’s unhappy about that (I heard this one a lot).
- Did you know she miscarried twin girls? She’s absolutely devastated now.
Obviously, there were many outside factors that led into my depressive demise, but no one addressed them with me. I was partially to blame because I too thought there was nothing “clinically” wrong with me. Here I was a mom of my miracle baby boy and yes, I was tired and run ragged and dealt with a lot having a newborn, but I was super mom and I totally was in control!
But soon after those ideas of grandeur, I crashed hard. With the extreme variance of hormones, coupled with my tired and exhausted body (mentally and physically), my state of depression was brought to the forefront. I received an official diagnosis. Soon after that I started seeing a therapist, ran the gamut of medication trials and tribulations and was finally in a good place.
Enter in baby number 2. Any child after miscarriage is a blessing, one that I do not dismiss lightly. I was so happy and my family was now complete. I wanted two children, and there were my two boys in front of me. At the time Elijah was 2 1/2 when Ethan was born. Then the cycle began again.
Cue nighttime feedings every 1-2 hours. Add a husband who worked overnight shifts leaving me home by myself 3-4 nights a week. Cue Supermom Abby who decided that this time around, I would make ALL my son’s baby food from scratch. Add to the mixture the overly exhausted mom who is not back on her depression medication after having her 2nd son.
My world was in a tailspin. I was showing the signs and symptoms of depression again, but refused to SEE them. All of this added up to being in a very dark place one day. I thought all those in my life would just be better off without me and I attempted to end my life, or at least try to alter it beyond comprehension.
If it had not been for my children’s father (my now ex-husband), I’m not sure where I’d be today. He got me to a hospital in record time where I was admitted. After the hospital stay and multiple intense therapy sessions after that for several weeks, I was better. Much better. And the thoughts haven’t entered my mind since then. Not at all.
I know that there’s so much more to live for. There’s so many things I haven’t accomplished yet and so many people that I love and want to be here for in life. At the time, I was too “out of it” to realize any of those things. The darkness had overtaken me and I didn’t think I had any other option.
Please also be mindful that having depression aka the “Baby Blues” after having your baby is completely normal. Studies have shown that upwards of 80% of post-partum mothers experience some form of depression in the first two weeks after giving birth. This is normally due to hormonal changes, sleep patterns disruption, and all the various stressors that come along during pregnancy.
Please do not think there is something wrong with you. There isn’t. But if the more common “Baby Blues” turns into something darker, please do not be afraid to admit that you need help. If left untreated, it can last for months or even years. Not only will it interfere in your own health and well-being, but it can also affect your baby’s growth and development. Without the proper treatment, the depression will get worse over time.
When It’s More Than Just The “Baby Blues”
Here are some indicators that could lead to clinical depression during the post-partum period:
- A history of postpartum depression. This puts you at high risk of having it again.
- Poor support from family, partner, and friends.
- High life stress, such as a sick or colicky newborn, financial troubles, or family problems.
- Physical limitations or problems after childbirth.
- Depression during a current pregnancy.
- Previous depression.
- Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depression. It also increases the risk of dangerous psychotic behavior after childbirth.
- A family history of depression or bipolar disorder.
- Previous premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), which is the severe type of premenstrual syndrome (PMS).
Factors to Help Deter Clinical Depression
Take a look at some of these practical suggestions to help keep your “Baby Blues” at bay, especially in the first several weeks:
- Ask for help from others so you can get as much sleep. Do not be afraid to ask for help!
- Eat healthy food (i.e. snacks & meals)
- Exercise as you feel up to it (obviously much harder after a C-Section)
- Have as much overall support as you can around you during the beginning timeframe
- Stay away from alcohol, caffeine, and other drugs or medicines unless recommended by your doctor (especially if breastfeeding).
- If you worry about postpartum depression, schedule your first postnatal checkup 3 or 4 weeks after childbirth rather than the usual 6 weeks.
When to Call Your Doctor
If you are experiencing the following symptoms of depression, please call your doctor:
- Feeling sad or hopeless.
- Not enjoying anything.
- Having trouble with sleep.
- Feeling guilty.
- Feeling anxious or worried.
- You are depressed for more than 3 weeks with treatment, but you aren’t getting better.
If you know a new mom that is dealing with depression or thoughts of suicide, seek help immediately. Go to the ER, call the national suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-TALK. If you are thinking about committing suicide, don’t do it. I know it’s easier to say that, but think of everything you have here.
Suicide is an awful way out. It’s a horrendous way to leave this world. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please seek help. Immediately. Talk to someone. Anyone. They’ll listen and get you the help that you need. Don’t suffer in silence. I did for years, and I won’t be able to get that time back.
But from this point forward, I’m living my precious life day by day. I can’t say that every day is going to be easy, but every day I get through is a tiny victory for me.This goes for anyone with any mental disorder, or just the regular person down the street. Suicide is real and suicide is all around us. Be the person that listens, that encourages, that picks us up from despair. Just be there. You’ll find that matters more than you’ll ever know.
Helpful Links
- American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG)
- American Pregnancy Association
- Mental Health America
- Postpartum Support International (U.S.)
- U.S. Department of Health and Human Services: Women’s Health
- National Alliance of Mental Illness
