Ultimatums

Always and Never

Expecting, new, and veteran moms should avoid, at all costs, the pressures of such finite terms. The idea of letting go becomes especially relevant when raising little individuals who have their own ideas about what they do or don’t like, what they will or won’t tolerate, and what does or doesn’t work. Parenting is hard enough without the added weight that moms (and dads) put on themselves striving to navigate a preconceived path through the day-to-day challenges of providing care for their children.

As a new mom, I can honestly say that every vision or thought that I had going into this new role about the “best” thing for my baby has been totally redirected as I have had the opportunity to learn from and grow with my son. When I told myself I’d NEVER give my baby formula, I had to change my tune when my newborn had trouble with nursing and needed supplementation to stop his dramatic weight loss. When I said I’d ALWAYS ensure that he’d always nap in his crib or bassinet, I certainly cracked when his cries were only soothed by the rocking of my arms or the Mamaroo. You get the gist here, so I will spare you the monotony of more of my examples and allow you to envision some of your own.

I will share with you what I have found to be true in these moments where I have to dig out my heels and bend my rules: I am, in fact, doing the best thing for my child by being attentive and open minded in meeting his needs. This does not mean I am weak or fickle in my beliefs about parenting (there will be plenty of issues along the way where a firm stance really is the best thing), this means instead that I am providing for my child rather than driving myself crazy setting arbitrary boundaries.

The only ultimatum that I’ve found that any parent can (and should) adopt, with any level of sanity, is this: Never wish the time away. Tomorrow will likely be better, but be careful what you wish for, because it very well could be worse. Be patient, adaptive, and present in finding the best ways to care for your child. Rather than following the rule book, trust your instincts and look for the “ah-ha” moments which guide you along in building a relationship with this tiny person who relies on you for his care and comfort. In letting go, you just might find that you have the energy to enjoy precious moments with your baby rather than feeling the self-imposed burdens of guilt or failure.