You have a newborn… he/she wakes up at night. A lot. Sometimes it’s to eat. Sometimes it’s to be changed. Sometimes it’s to snuggle. And sometimes… well, sometimes it’s for no reason at all. One thing I learned with each of my babies is that regardless of the why, the emotional cycle I experienced each night was the same. Forget the stages of grief and the stages of development.
These are the stages of the newborn mama sleep cycle.
Stage One: Denial
This one always comes first. You hear the whimpers, the cries, the restless movements that mean your precious darling is no longer deeply slumbering. And you think to yourself… maybe I am making this up. Maybe I am not hearing anything. This is actually a dream and if I just drift back to sleep, it will all go away. Maybe.
Stage Two: Prayer
Religious or not… you will become prayerful once you have a baby. You will pray to anything and everything while you hold your breath and remain frozen in place in the hopes that the baby will JUST.GO.BACK.TO.SLEEP
Stage Three: Anger
WHY ARE YOU AWAKE? YOU JUST GOT UP AN HOUR AGO AND I FED YOU AND CHANGED YOU AND ROCKED YOU! DO YOU HATE ME? WHY ARE YOU UP AGAIN?
Stage Four: Resignation
Sigh. Fine. Let’s do this so I can get back to bed. You drag yourself upright and knock over some things on the night stand in the process of picking up your baby.
Stage Five: The Pity Party
Why am I the only one who can nurse my baby? Why am I the one who gets no sleep? How can my husband sleep through all of this? All I want is five straight hours of sleep… I will even take four. Is that too much to ask?
Stage Six: The Emotional Panic
This is when you start doubting yourself. You think there is no way you are going to survive the next month if you don’t get some sleep. You may or may not start to cry. What I have gotten myself into? I can’t do this!
Stage Seven: The Melt
You pick up your baby and snuggle him or her into your chest. The cries stop, you feel your sense of purpose and love for this little creature who has so quickly become your world. It is pure magic.
Stage Eight: The Confidence
Okay little one, we’ve got this. It’s you and me against the world.
Stage Nine: Fear
At this point, you are done nursing, feeding and snuggling and both of you have drifted in and out of sleep a few times. You want nothing more than to lay back down in your bed while the opportunity presents itself. But, wait… will the baby stay asleep if you stand up. Will he/she stay asleep if you put him/her back in the crib? You resort to Stage two again while you try to extricate yourself from the equation.
Stage Ten: Bliss
Back in bed, so far so good. Enter sleep. For a few minutes at least.
