The Brutal Budget

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BrutalBudget“You spend WAY too much on childcare.” Her voice is shrill, shocked, and judgmental. “We recommend that you spend no more than 15% of your take-home pay in that category.”

This was a few years ago, and I’d decided that I’d take the first steps toward getting our financial house in order by taking advantage of the (free!) budgeting phone consultation offered by my employer. At the time, with three kids aged three and under, we were spending nearly half of our combined paychecks on childcare – over twice what we spent on our mortgage.

I am generally slow to anger, but not on that day. One does not fork over so much cash easily. “YOU have three kids in two years and see how much you spend on childcare,” I shot back. “That’s how much it costs.”

“I did have three kids, but I stayed home for years,” she snapped. “That’s how we did it.” I imagined her poofed gray hair and, perhaps, a pair of horn-rimmed glasses. I could hear her curled lip. Then she said, “There’s a childcare center right up my street. SURELY it’s not that expensive. Maybe you should give them a call?”

(Note – this is a quote. It’s not fictionalization. I’ve never experienced direct, unabashed, working-mom judgement before, or since, outside the realm of strangers on the internet criticizing each other’s life choices. Mostly, in real life, we realize that moms are making the best choices they can with the hand they’ve been dealt, and leave it at that.)

As if. I was acutely aware of the tuition rates at every childcare facility in town. I’d spent hours on the phone with various directors, asking for twin and sibling policies, comparing hourly rates for three kids to hourly rates I could pay a nanny.

I’d also interviewed home-care providers, which is generally a more affordable option. But the “magic” that some of my friends have found in home care eluded me.

I eventually drove a bargain with a center close to my work. At the time, we were the only family with three kids enrolled and the director took pity on me.  The center wasn’t perfect, sure. However, my kids had some miraculous teachers, and knew they were loved. It became a second home to them, their classmates and teachers part of a large, extended, crazy family. The kids thrived, and learned.

The acid voice of the budget advisor in my ear: “I see where you’re saving it. You spend far less than average on vehicle expenses.” Thanks, dented minivan with no car payment. Thank you, being a one-car family. Much obliged, short commute.

“You’ve kept your housing expenses low. “ Gracias, living in 1200 feet and two bedrooms with three kids.

“Your discretionary spending is low, but so is your savings. You should be saving at least 10% of your income and should have a cash cushion that can cover at least six months of expenses.”

I held the phone away from my head and took a deep breath. Then, I pantomimed banging it on my desk several times, before I put it back to my ear and thanked her for her time.

In the writing of this piece, I did a few back-of-the-napkin calculations, and realized that this year, six years into parenthood, we surpassed $100,000 of real, after-tax dollars spent on childcare. That amount is blessedly low, frankly, and includes the wrangling we’ve done: grandparents dedicating their time, part-time work with a part-time nanny. At one point, I was paying so much for childcare that I was taking home the equivalent of less than $4/hour. And you know what? We actually kinda needed that $4. So I kept working.

And here’s the part where I’m at peace with it.  First, allow me to check my privilege  – we have been lucky as heck. My husband and I do just fine, in that well-educated, middle-class, public servant kind of way.  Yes, we keep our grocery budget lean, our entertainment budget low, and our belts cinched. But we have also largely have dodged credit card debt, and we’ve never had to face the really difficult financial decisions which are all too common, like Groceries? Or water bill?

But seemingly everything we have goes towards childcare, which is, frankly, appropriate. It’s possible that, if we earned a little more, I might spend more. ON CHILDCARE.  Providing for our kids is our most important responsibility.

Part of me thinks that something is deeply broken, in a society where this is the decision we were compelled to make, to keep everyone afloat, pay our mortgage, pay our student loan debts. I mentally rail at Wall Street for the real estate bust that evaporated our savings, at the stagnating wages of the shrinking middle class, the platinum price we paid for our educations, the cost of health care, the lack of options.

And sometimes, when my husband look at each other in disbelief, BELLY LAUGHING at the idea that we might one day have a savings account that contains six months of expenses, we look at our kids, our three crazy priceless, expensive kids, and it’s okay.

Then, like most of the people in the world, I sigh, scrimp, save, and go back to work.

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Maddie Forrester
Maddie is a recent transplant to the Northern Kentucky Area, where she moved last spring after a decade in Columbus, OH. She’s the mom of three kids: A son, born in 2009, and twin girls, born in 2011. This is as exhausting as it sounds. Luckily, she thrives on chaos. She balances the glamour of working full time with the rigors of first grade homework, playing dress-up, and moving mountains (both metaphorical mountains, and mountains of laundry). She had hobbies once, but doesn’t quite remember what they were. Now, when she gets a moment of free time, she uses it to catch up on her wine and/or sleep, usually in that order. She also loves to cooking, running, singing badly while playing her guitar even worse, and reading.

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