Rock Bottom

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RockBottomToday I failed. Big time. I should have known it was destined to be a doozy. By sunrise I had stepped on no less than ten Legos. A good day never begins like that. I have had people tell me that I am a great mom. A wonderful mom. Not today. Today, I was terrible.

I cried a little. I yelled a lot. I said some things that probably needed to be said. And a few that I probably shouldn’t have. The countdown to bedtime began around 10 AM. I lost my temper in the grocery store. And in the car. And at home. The kids spent a lot of time in their rooms. I didn’t send them there. They were hiding. From me.

By day’s end, all four of my children had cried. Some, more than once. Our house was a complete disaster. Dishes left undone. Laundry stranded in the washer. More laundry stranded in the dryer. It was impossible to walk through our living room. I wanted to feel a sense of relief once bedtime stories had been read and half-hearted kisses had been given, but I didn’t. What I felt was an overwhelming urge to curl up in the fetal position with a pan of uncooked brownies and a spoon. Today may have been over, but there was always tomorrow. And, for me, at that moment, that reality was terrifying.

I’d like to pretend that this is the first horrible, terrible, no good day I’ve had since becoming a mom. The first time that I really, truly questioned whether I deserved to be a mother at all. But it’s not the first. And it won’t be the last. Because, as difficult as it may be to admit, I am an imperfect parent. Perhaps even harder to swallow is the reality that my four wonderful, amazing children are imperfect too. Most days our imperfections exisit in harmony with one another. I may struggle, but my children are there to pull me through. Or vice versa. Some days, however, we collide. Implode. Hit rock bottom. Days like today.

Tomorrow will come. It always does. And I will face it like a warrior, like a champion, like a mom. I will find the strength, the motivation, the desire to carry on. Because for every horrible moment, there is something wonderful waiting in the wings. Like when my son put away all his trucks without being asked. Or the spontaneous “I wuv you mama” from my littlest. Or all four of my kids sitting peacefully, sharing a book. These are the things I will hold onto. The bright spots in an otherwise dark day.

My failure will sting for a while. But the memory of this awful day will fade. In the immortal words of Mr. Slinger (Lily’s Purple Plastic Purse – read it. It’s wonderful!), “Today was a difficult day. Tomorrow will be better.” And it will be. Because it has to be. And my kids picked up the Legos. Every single one.

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Emily Ringo
I am a Cincinnati girl, born and raised. After a brief hiatus to attend the University of South Carolina (go Cocks!), my husband and I moved back home with a 1 year old in tow (she's now 10!). Since then, we have added three more kiddos to our family (ages 6, 4 and 2), and I am lucky enough to hang out with them all day. We love reading, getting crafty, and making huge messes that we will definitely clean up...tomorrow. When I'm not surrounded by children, I dabble in exercise, enjoy reading a good book, and can frequently be found binging on Netflix with my favorite guy. About a year ago, a Pinterest “I can do that!” project painting little superheroes for my son turned into an Etsy shop (etsy.com/shop/woolyllama) which I manage to run in my “free time”. I may be slightly sleep deprived, but I wouldn't trade a minute of my crazy, busy, wonderful life!

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