Passionate About Cincinnati
and the Moms Who Live Here

Dear Partners: 8 Reasons Why The Mom of Your Kids Might Want To Have Sex Tonight

Dear Partners of Moms of Small Children,

I know, honey, I know. You were almost certainly lovers first, but now you’re the sexless-opposite: parents. Every pair of jeans she puts on are, by definition, mom jeans. All of his jokes are dad jokes. Sleep deprivation becomes a way of life; bed-related fantasies generally involve sweet, sweet life-giving slumber.

CMBAfterDarkSeriesSex famously takes a back-seat once a couple has carseats in their minivan, for any number of good reasons. However, there are also a few reasons the mother of your children might just be into you tonight:

  1. To feel like a grown woman for a hot minute. Motherhood has a charming way of transforming a person – a fully competent, adult person, even – into a sniveling lunatic who might not even notice if she has someone’s snot on her shirt (Just me?). It’s possible that a mom might want to have sex with you just so that she can spend a few minutes remembering who she was back then.
  2. As a way to reconnect with you. The two of you are working your tails off together, balancing kids, bills, cooking, dishes, and a shocking amount of laundry. You’re a well-oiled parenting machine, it seems, of eunuchs. Sometimes, when things get hectic, it’s nice to take a break from the task-list and remember why you decided to become parents together in the first place.
  3. Because it’s worth maintaining. Face it, if (like mine) your partnership functions better when your sex life is relatively active, it might be worth having sex just to end a drought. The longer the drought, the more forced and weird post-drought sex can seem. Sometimes, it’s better just to keep the home fires burning.
  4. Because she’s not self-conscious about her body in front of you. Here’s the deal, bub, and I’m going to say this SLOWLY. Even putting the emotional aspect of becoming a parent aside, pregnancy, birth, and early motherhood are extremely physically demanding tasks for most mothers. Thanks to a complicated hormone cocktail, the body of a person carrying a child to term is going to swell nearly beyond recognition. Then, there are only two ways out: major surgery, or pushing a child through her VAGINA (aka: a major female sex organ.) Then, frequently, their boobs (another famously sexy part) will start dripping mammalian milk, of all things.That’s just a typical, uncomplicated pregnancy. Add medical issues? Fertility issues? You get why that’s a difficult thing to take, right? You get why it might not feel especially appealing to disrobe in front of someone who MAY have gone on record as being a big fan of her body, as it was in the great Before? Remember this: Growing old together was the plan. Parenting together might have even been in your vows.
  5. There are a few big things that you do to make sure that you’re not contributing to a mom’s hesitance toward nakedness: (A) Be body positive about HER body. Love it the way it is now, no questions asked. I did not stutter: No. Questions. Asked. And, (B) Be body positive about EVERYONE ELSE’S body. You might not want to talk about how bangin’ that 22-year old starlet is. You also might not want mention that the 40 year-old, former starlet has let herself go. Either way, you’re setting yourself up as a person who is in the business of assessing women based on their exteriors. Don’t do it. (Bonus points: Stop thinking that way).
  6. Because hormones: I’ve read (in super reliable, scientific sources like Marie Claire) that women hit a sexual peak in their late 30’s and early 40’s. I have no idea if that’s true, but as I’ve gotten older, the hormonal beats of my cycle have become a bit…harder to ignore. Yes, things like PMS have gotten more intense as I’ve aged. But I’ve also seen a definite time of the month where I’ve got the mind of a randy teenager. UNLIKE your average teenager, however, I have a partner who signed on for this kind of responsibility. In an extremely informal, hushed interview with a few friends, I got a lot of nods when I asked if anyone had experienced the same thing. One even had a name for it: “Egg day.”Just use precaution, and make informed choices, folks. More babies = fewer “egg days” for a while. (But then again, MORE BABIES WHEEE!!)
  7. Because you’re a good lover, and you make an effort. Just going to let this one stand alone, I think.
  8. Because, thank you: I’ll admit it. If you tell me to take a load off, put me to bed early, take care of the kitchen clean-up and then put the kids to be solo? Your chances go WAY up. I can smell a set-up a mile away, buster – don’t do those things because you’re trying to butter me up. But if your heart’s in the right place, and you’re doing it because you care? MAN I like that. I liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike it. Comehere.
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