People Who Have More Than 2 Kids Are Crazy!

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Lately I’ve been hearing a lot about friends and friends of friends having 3rd babies. I’m what you could consider an older mom, so to hear about families having a 3rd baby just seems crazy to me. You have to like chaos or not mind it because everyone with more than 2 kids seems to be in a constant state of chaos. And who wants to be pregnant that often? I didn’t have terrible pregnancies, but I can’t imagine my old body being pregnant again. My second daughter tore my body apart. She’s almost 2 and I still have hip and feet problems that I never had before. I can’t even go into how my breasts look. And the extra skin that’s hanging from my stomach. And sleep. I miss sleeping so badly, it brings tears to my eyes. It comes down to sheer numbers, too. More than 2 and parents are outnumbered. Add on the finances of children and the time they require, you’ll never have a minute of free time nor extra money for another 18+ years! No, thank you. “Two and through” has become my mantra.

This is a mantra I find myself repeating. Annoyingly. Not only am I hearing about other moms having a 3rd child, but I keep getting asked about having another baby. My girls are newly 3 and 21 months old. Hell no, I’m not having another baby! Even if they were farther apart? No. Don’t you want a boy? No. Doesn’t seeing and holding a newborn make you want another? No. Aren’t you one of three and your husband one of five? Yes, but that doesn’t mean we want more kids. Everyone says they don’t regret having a 3rd. That’s great for them, but the answer is still NO. Oh, and minor detail here, but my husband got snipped! After Anya turned 1, he went in and I was 100% supportive. Friends who know this will ask, albeit mostly jokingly, about having his procedure reversed. But, you love kids, you’re a teacher! Yeah, well, it’s different when they’re your own and there’s a reason I’m not an infant/toddler teacher. No. More. Kids. Period.

I didn’t know why it bothered me to hear about families having a 3rd child. I started questioning myself. How could I judge others? How could my first reaction be a gasp and shock, almost disgust? Then, as I was de-cluttering the girls’ rooms and packing baby items away for storage, I realized I was packing these things away for good. I’m saving these things for my younger sister, but I will never use them again. Aden and Anais baby blankets, crib sheets, baby toys, my beloved K’Tan and Ergo. My girls aren’t babies anymore and there won’t be another baby to call my own in our home again. I started to cry. I realized my feelings for those announcing they’re having a 3rd child were feelings of jealousy.

For most of my life I wanted 3 kids. Then, reality set in after I got married. There is part of me that wishes having more kids was suitable for our family. I do think about a third and what it would be like, how the girls would be with a baby. I think about having a boy. I think about having a 3rd girl(eek!). Sometimes I wish I felt younger, that I was more mentally and physically stronger to have another kid because parenting is tough. Really tough. Sometimes I wish it felt right for our family. But the reality is, it’s not. There is a lot to consider when having children. Age definitely plays a factor into our decision not to have more. But, the main factor is that having another child would alter our family dynamic in such a negative way, that I don’t think we would be able to recover. My husband was the guy who wasn’t sure he was going to get married, let alone have kids. And if he did, one would be fine. We have two and one wasn’t exactly planned (but the best surprise of our lives). If we added another baby to the mix, we would literally find ourselves treading waters without life jackets in the deep deep sea, with sharks circling us. I’ve accepted this.

After we had our first, I totally understood why people have “one and done.” Babies are A LOT of work. It may get easier as they get older, but new challenges arise at every age and it’s still a lot of work. We have two wonderful girls and our family feels complete. It is complete. I don’t have any regrets. But I suppose I’m only human, a female human, whose hormones and primal instincts sometimes tug at my uterus for another baby. The key is that they don’t tug enough for me to actually commit to wanting one! We may add a dog to our family, but that’s further down the road! I am genuinely happy for those of you having another baby, and another, and another. I won’t be jealous, but maybe a little envious of your growing family and doing what is right for you (even though you’re crazy;)).

What do you think? One and done or the more the merrier? Do you believe two is not enough and three is too many?

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Lilly Younger
I relocated to Cincinnati in 2010 from Chicago to be with the love of my life. For a good long while I had trouble calling Cincinnati home, but 5 years, a husband, and 2 kids later, I am happy to be a Cincinnatian! I am a proud, tired, loving, tired, creative, tired, and doting stay at home mom to 2 spunky girls, 15 months apart. Prior to having kids, I was an early childhood teacher. It's tough being a teacher mom because I have found there is a difference between teaching and parenting, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love finding and creating exciting, engaging, and fun activities to do with my girls and hope I can share some of what we do with other families.

4 COMMENTS

  1. This is pretty much how I felt when I desperately wanted a second but knew that it wasn’t right for me and my one. It took me years to get past it, and I cried. I still find myself occasionally longing for a second baby that will never be or feeling jealous/envious of those who were able to manage it. I have found that it gets easier but never fully goes away. Chalk it up to being a “female human” I guess.

  2. I could not agree more with all of this! Especially the part about parents of 3 being in a constant state of chaos. I know over a dozen families with 3+ kids and it seems like they don’t enjoy it. Everything seems like an exhausting duty, done at warp speed on minimal sleep. And the parents are more…brusque. Social courtesies just seem to go by the wayside for those with 3+. I enjoy hanging out with families of 1-2 kids but arranging things for 3 other kids plus my own is too much and I don’t make the effort anymore. Nor do I wish to add to my brood…thank goodness for birth control and plain old common sense.

  3. I found this article very rude. Of course, I have 4 kids. I strive very hard to be organized and enjoy my kids very much. I also volunteer at school a lot, volunteer with boy scouts and girl scouts, volunteer with Destination Imagination, and volunteer to help in the community.

    I do manage to take time to read books, watch a video, or occasionally go out with my husband or meet a friend. i have never enjoyed hanging out at bars or the social scene.

    Each person and family decides how big your family needs to be and makes the hard choices. We don’t take big vacations to Disney, but we go camping with the family and have wonderful adventures.

    Next time a friend asks you if you are having more, tell them you find their question rude and you are fine with your family size. They will probably shut up about it and never ask again.

  4. Anyone with three or more kids is borderline insane. Also, contributing to overpopulation is not contributing to society. Finally, for anybody that asks me if I am having another kid is the most intrusive question I’ve ever been asked. That’s nobody’s business but my own!

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