I attempted breastfeeding both of my children.
The concept was weird to me before I had kids, while I was pregnant, and even after that first suckling made her appearance. The idea of someone chomping away at my A cup turned porn-like D cup gave me the willies. My daughter got two weeks worth of the old college try mixed in with a little pumping, and then I exclusively pumped for about four weeks, and then the hatred consumed me and I stopped. The fact that my daughter’s latch was excruciatingly painful has no bearing on this story. My son got about seven weeks of tear-filled resentment in his breastmilk. He was better at the whole thing. So much better that he could not be removed from my chest. I started gritting my teeth, hunching over, crying, and then crying some more. I hated every minute of it. I stopped.
I love breastfeeding, but not for myself. But, for all of the health benefits and the attachment reasons, I am a proponent of doing it for as long as you possibly can. Based on my experience, I will never second guess a single mother who chooses to never even try it, one who gives up, one who hates it, or one who lets their 48-month-old get a little milk in their coffee. If you want to feed your child in a parka, do it. If you want to feed your child by completely taking your shirt off, do it. Hooray motherhood and all its glory.
That’s not the point of this story.
I like to take advantage of the free storytime at my local library. Yay, books! Yay, a little less mommy-only supervised time! We used to go to a public library with an average of five to 10 children present. We got to know one another, the instructor was great, the kids played and enjoyed each other, we took snacks and sometimes even shared if one of our neighbors looked really interested. It was awesome. After we moved, I started taking my kids to another library closer to home. One of the first things they said at the beginning of every class was that they had a “very strict, no food or drink policy.”
Okay, I’m alright with rules. They definitely need to be set in place for certain things. I’m also totally okay questioning those rules when they get taken a little too far. I understand the “no food or drink” rule set in place to ensure the books, DVDs, and computers in the library are safe from destruction. Got it. No food or drink. However, when you sequester babies and toddler into an entirely different room I think you can grant me a little wiggle room.
When I take my almost-two-year-old for a half-hour storytime, she can understand what it means to not get a snack immediately. When I tote along her six or seven-month-old little brother, he does not get it. So, I bring along his bottle, and possibly a snack. I know not everyone thinks ahead like this, but my daughter has a food allergy. Not a life-threatening one, but an allergy nonetheless. I am very careful not to pack nuts or nut products when we go to things like this. But, a toddler cracker or yogurt bite that I am controlling because the baby’s dexterity does not allow them to handle these things himself, it’s not going to kill anyone. Nor is his bottle of formula.
I was reprimanded multiple times – maybe I should have learned my lesson after the first? nah – for giving my baby a bottle.
“We have a very strict no food or drink policy, you’re going to need to put that away.”
Oh, am I? So, I am supposed to let my child who expects a bottle around this time just cry it out during your storytime and bother everyone else in here? Or leave the room and hope my not-quite-two-year-old doesn’t lose her marbles because mommy disappeared? No, I guess I’m just supposed to hang out in my house all day and go crazy because the free storytime that helps our one-income family do fun things with our kids doesn’t allow the baby to eat.
Let’s circle back. But you’re going to let the other mom in corner breastfeed her baby to calm him because you’re “accommodating to breastfeeding mothers?” Everyone wants to argue that breastfeeding moms are solely feeding their children. Well, guess what? So am I. Aside from giving the run down at the beginning of this post, you wouldn’t know my breastfeeding story by looking at me during library storytime. However, because I feed my child differently, I’m not allowed to feed my child during this storytime directed specifically to smaller children.
This is the only time in motherhood that I have ever been pissed off at the movement to support breastfeeding.
There should be a “no eating” policy at the library. If I can’t feed my child to calm him down, then neither can you. Actually, I’m all about feeding your child however necessary. So bring on the food and drinks. Since my daughter has an allergy, I’ll keep her away from whatever you have that can hurt her. My son is good with any food so I’ll keep less of an eye on him.
I’ve since stopped taking advantage of the free storytime at the library. I’ve also heard from other mom friends that this policy has made them discontinue going to storytime as well. It’s mid-morning, snack time for a lot of kids, and kids of certain ages don’t comprehend patience and only want instant gratification. But, as long as I have my boobs at the ready, we’re good to go.
Ugh. This just seems like an excuse to attack the so-called “breastfeeding movement”. During thw Civil Rights Era there was a women’s lib movement as well, but did women and blacks look at each other and get ANGRY when one group had a victors in gaining rights? No. They banded together, combined forces.
Just like your background story, You wouldn’t know that the library allowed moms to breastfeed unless you’d mentioned it, so really it has nothing to do with your issue. Instead of saying “if i can’t then breastfeeding moms can’t either” you should be advocating for a policy that,makes sense ans is helpful to EVERYone.
Sorry, but this is just petty bs, and you have zero reason to direct your negativity toward the rights of ANY mother or caretaker.
I’m not attacking the movement at all. I’m not in anyway angry at the breastfeeding mothers. While I, as a human being, go “well, if she can, why can’t I?” it may sound that way, it is definitely not a knock on them at all. I am fully supportive of all feeding methods, i.e. “I love breastfeeding” and “feed your child by completely taking off your shirt, do it.” This post is directed at the inequality given to feeding methods. “No feeding” or “feeding in anyway necessary” makes sense and is helpful to everyone.
Well the conclusion to post seems to focus more on the frustration that you were treated differently for not breastfeeding instead of how the library should not apply that rule to any infant. I know you talk about the library losing you and others in the last paragraph but then you squarely bring it back to the breastfeeding/non breastfeeding in the last sentence and leave it with a bitter attitude towards breastfeeders vs it being toward the library policy.
My concern is that breastfeeding in public is a relatively new concept for most establishments in itself and really a new right that moms have and now there seem to be MORE articles and posts from bottle feeding moms than there were from people who thought women should cover up who complain about the proponents of breastfeeding and “breast is best” making them feel bad. And it’s just so misdirected. I’m getting kind of sick of all of this combativeness in bottle feeding mom posts acting like the world is attacking because they come across someone who supports breastfeeding. I don’t know one breastfeeding mom who whispers to a friend behind closed doors “oh my god, did you see becky today – bottle feeding little timmy, the shame!” We are definitely not against you, and you say yourself you support it so why would you be pissed off at the movement? The library’s issue is about being able to feed your child so why even go there about “breastfeeders can but I can’t” and just get to the point that it’s ridiculous not to let an infant eat?
I’m really just not bitter or pissed off at all towards breastfeeding mothers even if it may look that way at times. It’s just that it is the only other group to be mentioned here. There’s no such thing as a “don’t feed your kids” mom style or we’d have bigger issues here. Strictly that it is the only type to compare to, that’s why it needs mentioning.
I’m not sure public feedings is relatively new either, we just have a platform to publicly talk about it now. My mom and grandmothers never had the issues we do. They just parented their kids – whispers and judging just happened more secretly if people didn’t agree with how they parented. It’s not like that’s new, how it happens is new.
Point being, there’s an exclusion when they’re trying to be inclusive. Without mentioning their stance in one direction would make this a moot point. We can go back and forth on how you interpret my view on breastfeeding or not when in reality it is my view and it isn’t wavering based on interpretation. Thanks for the comments!
Hon, please re read the article and simmer down. Seriously. Her point came off loud and clear. Bottle fed and breastfeed babies should be allowed to eat equally in ANY environment. Places should accommodate feeding infants who must be fed on demand.
I got the point of the article loud and clear, this is not an attack on how anyone feeds their baby. The point was that the rule should have been for toddlers and parents eating and not infants still on the bottle or breast.
Take a step back and read the blog again before you go running your mouth. Skye, your response was offensive and you attacked about the breast feeding vs non breast feeding.
I agree with you Erin. Try to feed your baby before you go, but if necessary for these unreasonable library folks, put a blanket over your chest and feed your baby a bottle. The exception should be for ALL infants, not for just breast fed infants. Seriously!
Oh I would have been livid if anyone, anywhere told me I couldn’t feed my milk-dependent (formula or otherwise) child. Girl, kudos to you for not freaking out on that employee!! And I agree, that’s an insane double standard for that employee (or library as a whole) to enforce. As much as I hate the term “I can’t even”…I can’t even.
I don’t think she attacks breastfeeding mom’s in any way. She simply states that if a mom can breastfeed her baby she should be able to bottle feed. I completely agree. People are so concerned about the battle some mom’s face with breastfeeding in public that they can’t fathom a mom who bottle feeds being discriminated against. Albeit its not the norm that this happens but it did and she has the right to be angry.
I personally feel that breastfeeding is irrelevant to your argument here (yeah- they’ve got the right to feed but that doesn’t strengthen your own argument. Bottle feeding is valid and can stand on its own).
This is a library policy issue that ABSOLUTELY needs to change. The library is making a foolish decision by offering classes for children but not allowing infants to drink milk in a bottle. I can understand the food issue (as kids do have allergies)- but when a baby is hungry he/she is HUNGRY. It doesn’t matter if you feed them right before the class- sometimes baby will still need to eat during or towards the end.
it’s surprising to me that a library (you know.. a place offering education) wouldn’t allow infants to have a bottle of milk.
Anyway- just know that there are places and people everywhere who will have crap opinions and crap policies- it doesn’t reflect on you as a person. You’re a wonderful mama- you know when and how to feed your baby. Don’t let them get you down.
Glad you called the library out on their terrible policy though.