What They Don’t Teach in Baby Class, but Should!

Prior to SharkBait (aka Jake) being born my husband and I enrolled in (and both attended) a 6 week baby readiness class that was offered at the hospital he would be born at. I can’t say we didn’t learn anything, because a lot of the information was actually very useful. Note: When the nurse/instructor passed around the different tools used during labor I did not look, rather I sat in the corner trying very hard not to pass out. To this day, I still don’t know what anything looks like and I fully intend to keep it that way. With that said, there was a lot of focus on the actual labor/delivery part, and very little about what to do after said baby is born. I understand the intent was not a parenting class, but maybe an extra week would have been helpful for new parents since the manual didn’t seem to be delivered with the baby. Here are a few things my husband and I wish we would have known to expect before coming face to face with this small person:

1. Blowouts are expected. The extent to which someone weighing 8 pounds can blow out a diaper is very unexpected. To hear my husband say the words “I’m finger painting in feces, how do we clean him up??” was perhaps the funniest and also most frightening thing ever. Because I knew that it was both true, and that I didn’t have a good answer. Or, really, any answer that was constructive.  In the end, we put him under the faucet in the kitchen sink. And then broke out a lot of bleach once Jake was safely settled back into the bouncer,

2. The hilarity of the baby faces that someone so small can make totally makes you forget about the diaper blowouts and anything else. We had a good chuckle on a daily basis at Jake’s funny faces. Below are his first trip to Home Depot when riding in the cart was bumpier than expected. We aren’t sure what caused the second face, but it is pretty priceless!

3. The details of what to do when your child is sick. Call his doctor is usually obvious, but there are steps that come before that point. The first time we had puke was a full day of learning. And calling my husband and mom frequently until the doctor could see us. Other illnesses were not so bad. It was only when I was talking to someone about his latest illness and I actually said “I’ll take pink eye over projectile vomit any day” did I realize, that is not something I ever expected to say.  Ever. Side note: if anyone knows the proper action to take when someone small projectile vomits straight milk, please let me know. Catching it in my hands did NOT work.

4. How much you love this little stranger. I can’t tell you how many times a day I tell this little stranger (when he was first born) and now my favorite little guy how much I love him, and how many times he gets kisses from mommy. The kicker is he doesn’t have any idea what I’m saying or doing. That is ok, because I think he knows his mom and dad (and everyone he meets) loves him. He is like a little tornado, sucks everyone in with his charming personality and winning good looks.

I know I have missed a lot, but these are the things I most wish I had known before Jake was born! Please comment with what you wish you had known, I would love to hear!