Since my son is only 3, I remain blissfully unaware of the anxiety of sending a newly minted adult off to the world of college parties and high-stakes academic program. What I do have is some insight. In college, I was a resident advisor, served on student government and participated in numerous other student life committees–so I know a bit about what works when living on campus!
So, while my parent orientation days are far in the future, I offer you some tips from my time as a resident advisor for you and your freshman:
- Don’t buy too much stuff. It’s so tempting to walk into Bed, Bath and Beyond and hand over your credit card. Have some restraint. In my experience, it’s better to take the basics on move-in weekend and shop for the rest the next time you have a visit. By then, your child will know what else they need. They can live without that revolving shoe organizer for now. Trust me.
- Don’t take too much stuff. Most students have a break sometime before the weather turns cold. Swapping out warm-weather clothing for fall and winter clothing can happen on that first return home. With limited space in most campus housing, an entire wardrobe probably won’t fit. If all else fails, the campus bookstore sells sweatshirts.
- If you didn’t teach them the basics before, it’s time to catch up. I’m talking laundry, the importance of car maintenance and basic cooking skills. A shocking number of college students can solve complex equations or breeze through Shakespeare but still have their moms make their dentist appointments.
- Introduce yourself to the roommate. In most cases, students will know their roommate’s name ahead of time. Many colleges also try to match students by major or even hometown. This is a great way to coordinate who is bringing shared items such as televisions, shower curtains, etc. It’s always nice to know the person who could contact you if your child is having issues. I also won’t judge you for doing a teensy search of their social media accounts.
- Your kid isn’t going to starve. Light grocery shopping is a good idea. Stocking them up Y2K style isn’t. While not all students make the best nutritional choices, many modern college cafeterias are surprisingly healthy in their offerings. I assure you, they will eat.
- They’re going to be really, really busy–especially the first few weeks. From freshman mixers to club presentations to finding classrooms, they’re going to have a lot going on. Try to remain calm and limit the frantic texts.
- On that note–campus life is generally pretty darn safe. Yes, there are risks. But there are also entire staffs of people dedicated to student health, safety and general well-being. Campus staff truly cares about each student and want to do their best to promote a safe environment for your child-I know, as I took my position very seriously!
- If you’re going to encourage one thing, have them get involved early! Getting involved in campus clubs, activities and committees has many benefits including meeting new people, gaining professional experience and supporting general well-being. Of course, going to class and being safe should go without saying. Right? Right.
- Know when to leave on move-in day. Most colleges have an itinerary with the last item being “Parent Goodbyes.” As heart-wrenching as it may be, that’s your cue to exit and head home. It’s time for your freshman to unpack and socialize. It’s okay to cry in the car.
I was an RA. Best time I had in college! I think setting them up with life skills is huge! You don’t know how many times I had to show someone how the washer worked!
I would also say don’t smother your kid before they get here. Let them have somewhat of a life before because guess what? Once they get here and experience freedom their studies will go down the tube while they run wild screaming “I’m free!!”
I 100% agree with your assertion that a bit of freedom helps in the long run! For instance, enforcing a 9 pm curfew when your kid leaves for college in a few weeks might not be the best approach because they’ll be the ones out all night just because they can. The kids who were on a super tight leash were always so obvious to me. Not bad kids, just caught up in what it meant to have a little freedom.
Just sent my son off. It’s so hard to hold two feelings at the same time….happiness that he’s growing independent while my heart feeling an archery target, stabbed up, sharp nibs of straw poking out papery the wounds.
I compensated for the heartbreak of the emptying nest by overthinking the dorm room shopping—as far as he would allow—and then sneaking in a few more things. 🙂
I think that is forgivable, mama! And keep in mind my list is practical and not a matter of the heart since my son is only 3 and a long way from move-in day 🙂
Whatever works to ease the pain, right? Good luck to all of you!