Odds are you don’t know me.
If you did know me, you would quickly recognize that I probably qualify as a textbook introvert. If you are interested in what being a textbook introvert entails, author Susan Cain has an excellent book on the subject, but for the sake of brevity I will say the following.
There are people out there who are invigorated by the company of other people, the idea of mingling and connecting with others brings joy to their hearts. Small talk and idle chatter are their bread and butter. I am not one of these people.
I don’t mind being around other people, heck as a teacher I spend my days in the company of, and working with groups of people. Yet all of those interactions take a sort of energy that comes in limited quantities. By the end of the day my batteries will need a good recharge, which comes with quiet time and a good book. While it may look like it, I’m not a shy person, but I’m not the sort to talk about the weather. Should you stumble on a topic of conversation that really piques my interest or falls into the realm of my expertise, I’ll have plenty to say on the subject. I am happy with who I am. I can’t complain. I’ll never be the life of the party, and I am okay with that.
That being said, I am glad that my son is nothing like me.
There was no bigger reminder of this than over the holidays. As we shuffled from house to house, introducing him to family members he hasn’t met before, introducing him to people he has surely met but probably doesn’t remember and bringing him over to meet with friends. He would just waltz right in and have a great time.
He would start off the conversation by telling them all about his brand new “Shellraiser” the truck his ninja turtles roam around town in. He would walk up to the kids and immediately assume they are friends, and they pick up like they’ve known each other all their lives. It’s not just then either.
On the days we take Milo to the park, it is only a matter of time until he runs up to some kid and calls out “hey, let’s play,” and they’re off. Even the kids who are caught off guard by how forthcoming he is, will eventually grow weary of him following them around and include him in their play. It is an extraordinary thing to watch. The way that he talks to other kids blows my mind. While he isn’t always perfect, he is friendly and sweet at the time. He isn’t the sort of kid who forces kids to befriend him. It isn’t a matter of convenience, instead he quickly earns it. It is a trait that will take him far, and it is one that I can take absolutely no credit for.
So, one of the things that I find myself thinking about frequently, is how do I support this aspect of my son?
I will tell you, it isn’t easy, and it is something that requires a conscious effort. There are times when I have to put my kid’s happiness in front of my own comfort. It means on nice days I’ll have to pull myself off of the couch and over to the park so he can play and mingle with the local kids, and recharge his own batteries. It means being the quiet person on play dates, something at which I excel.
It will mean being okay with and even encouraging him to invite his friends over to play, to give the okay for sleepovers, and it will mean being around and present at those times, and not tucking myself away in favor of the latest Brandon Sanderson novel. It means doing what is best for him, which is what this whole parenting thing is all about.
