We’re a pretty quiet couple. If you saw us walking down the street, we would be chatting about the kids, and we probably wouldn’t be holding hands. He rarely puts his arm around me. But that’s ok, it makes my neck go forward funny anyway. We’re just not big on PDA.
But we’re in love. Yes, the cheesy love that makes you giggle on the inside. The love that makes it feel like your heart is going to burst it is so full. The love that is more today than it was yesterday.
Except our life is busy. Not in a too busy, over committed kind of way, but in an everyone has their things, and momma is tired kind of busy. Sex gets put on the back burner. Lots of nights, it’s late before everyone has their homework finished and is in bed. Too many nights one of us falls asleep on the couch (or in their chair) and that annoying alarm goes off way too early.
Yet when we sneak away for a much needed afternoon quickie, we wonder, why don’t we do this more often? We scheme to go to bed early, so we can take our time, and make love. The next day, we text about the night before – and again wonder, why don’t we do this more often? The mood is still strong, determined to keep the streak alive. You do the little things you know he likes; kiss him more than a smooch when he comes home from work – hoping he’ll sit by you while you watch a show together, instead of in his chair focused on his phone. Before you know it, you’ve had sex 3 times in 2 days.
Then something happens. Life happens. One of you has a late meeting, or one of the kids has a late practice, and the streak dies. You fall asleep on the couch, but it was an accident – you were still high on love and the deep connection sex brings to your marriage. And you look back and can’t remember the last time you had sex.
I’m not going to pretend I know all the answers. But like anything important, you have to make the time.
Here are some tips for making time for sex:
1. Make a pact. At the beginning of the week, decide how many times you will have sex during the week. Don’t be overzealous at first, maybe 1 or 2 times is enough to get your spark back. Don’t let it feel like a chore to check off, but have fun with it – purposefully carve out the time for him. He will appreciate you taking the initiative. After the first few weeks, the time will find you – and you will be increasing your number.
2. Don’t wait until dark. The end of the day is hard; we’re all tired and worn down from the day. It takes everything you both have to make sure everyone makes it to bed with all pieces of pajamas on AND all the teeth brushed. Take advantage of a few minutes when the kids are all occupied. Maybe it’s a lazier than normal Saturday morning when you heard cereal being poured in everyones’ bowls and they’re giggling at the cartoons. Or maybe it’s a Sunday afternoon “nap”, when the kids are reading quietly, or working on homework.
3. Schedule a date night. I don’t know about you, but nothing screams “do me” quite like a date night. As parents, we don’t have much time to just be adults and a date night is the perfect time to reminisce about those first dates and romantic kisses.
4. Flirt throughout the day. If the only alone time you do have is at night, try setting the mood throughout the day. Send a suggestive text, leave a note in his lunch or whisper a preview of that evening in his ear as he leaves for work in the morning. It’ll motivate you both to make time for each other that night.
If life keeps happening, but you can’t remember the last time you and your husband tussled between the sheets, pick one of these tips and get to work. Hopefully, you will be inspired to keep it up – because isn’t life better when you’re having sex?!