I recently read a post from Kim over on Madison Moms Blog that really struck a cord with me. She wrote a letter to the Stay-at-Home-Mom from the Working Mom and another to the Working Mom from the Stay-at-Home-Mom and I strongly encourage you to hop on over there and read them. (I’ll wait while you do it.)
Kim’s note to finish this amazing post sheds some light into her own circumstances. She has been a stay-at-home-mom and a working-mom, but has also been a work-from-home mom and she acknowledges that all of these choices are both rewarding and difficult in their own rights. This got me thinking about my own feelings of jealousy towards this third woman that I, and I’m sure so many more of you, identify with. The work-from-home-mom. And so I felt compelled to add my letter to Kim’s.
Dear Work-From-Home Mom,
Can I be honest? Sometimes, I get jealous of you.
Like, when I picture your mornings waking up an hour earlier than everyone else in the house to enjoy a cup of piping hot coffee. I imagine you checking emails in silence as the sun peaks in through the curtains of your home office. Sending quick replies and jotting down notes of what needs to get done today. When you hear little footsteps hopping out of bed you eagerly head back upstairs to help the kids get dressed and ready for the day. You’re able to put the oldest on the bus and take the younger one back inside for some uninterrupted alone time together. Never having to rush in different directions because you’re right where you need to be. Those fleeting moments are relished because you know that you’ll be sending them both off soon. Maybe you pull out some favorite toys or crafts, perhaps even let your child indulge in some TV time with their favorite show, and you get a few moments to sit down and focus on your work. The work that helps support the family and your own ambitions.
You both break for an easy home-cooked lunch that’s enjoyed together, at the table. It wasn’t an afterthought, something slapped together the night before or another round of crackers because you’ve gotten snacks every other half hour. It’s an in-the-moment, “what sounds good” kind of lunch. Then it’s a few minutes of cleaning up and laughing together. You step outside with your computer and phone, sitting down on the deck to do a few more things while your little one plays with plastic golf clubs and the bubble machine. You take a phone call that doesn’t require you to apologize for the noise, they already know you’re at home. You talk about important deadlines and the presentation materials you’re working on. All this work and fun, focus and leisure.
It all seems so nice, as we sit here in our cubicles staring at vacation photos tacked to the wall wishing we were there right now. It all seems so nice, as we long for days that require more use of our degrees and seeing those savings accounts growing because of something we’re doing.
But don’t worry. I know there’s more to it than that.
I know that it can’t be easy to get up that much earlier than everyone else when you were probably the last to get to sleep trying to make that deadline. The kids still run late and don’t want to eat their breakfasts no matter what you had on your schedule today. The little one is probably potty training and requires your attention every fifteen minutes making it nearly impossible to concentrate on your work. I know those tantrums still happen, and despite having other things that need done immediately, you have to tend to flailing limbs and tears.
I know you feel like your days are on a constant loop. You’re stretched so thin and feel like you’re constantly on-call. You get 100 questions before 9 a.m. … and 100 emails. There’s no punching the clock at work because you’re given the leniency of working from home. You’re expected to be available all the time. You don’t know what “me time” is anymore because you “get the best of both worlds” and feel guilty for leaving when you spent an hour locked in your office on the phone already. You are expected to be elated at all moments of the day because of your setup.
I guess I just wanted to let you know that I see you, and I recognize the sacrifices you’re making for your family. It’s easy for me to focus on the highlights of your life—the things I’m personally missing out on—but I know that’s not the full picture.
The truth is, none of our lives are perfect or easy, but they’re all pretty dang awesome—just in slightly different ways.
I see you, and I support you. Keep it up, girl!
Love,
All Of Us Moms
Special Thank You to Kim Krueger and Madison Moms Blog for the inspiring original piece that encourages us all to remember that the grass is not always greener and that everyone has their challenges, blessing and joy no matter what life looks like for them each day.
For some reason it seems like there is a widely-perpetuated idea that working from home means that you have your child/children home with you while you work. While this may be true in some cases, everyone I know (myself included) that works from home still needs at least 3/4 the amount of childcare that work from office parents require. Have you ever tried to participate in a conference call with a 2 year old in the background who needs a snack or a diaper change or help with a toy every 7 minutes? Or tried to complete a report when you’ve got a little person climbing onto your lap and demanding “play mommy, play!”? I work from home but still take and pick up my son from daycare, and I or my husband take sick days when he can’t go due to illness. While my working situation is currently the best option for my family for a number of reasons, and while I love the extra hour I get in my day from not having to commute, I frequently envy those that get up and leave the craziness of a child- or child-item or pet-filled home everyday to complete their work in (relative) silence with few distractions. There is another misconception in this letter that is growing, too, as I see more and more articles like this one. Employers and clients are 100% NOT understanding of “being at home” noise or background disturbances. Nor should they – you’re still getting paid to work, after all.